KIM BARNES | GUEST

A few years ago, I found myself struggling during a worship service. If you’re like me, corporate worship has a way of uncovering emotions, thoughts, and attitudes that are more easily suppressed and controlled otherwise. During this service, I became visibly emotional. After the benediction, a friend who noticed my emotional response came over to check on me. Through tears, I blurted out, “I really need Jesus and I’m a little mad about it.”

Worship confronted me anew with the fact that I can’t manage my life in this fallen world on my own. But it was more than that. I realized something I’d not previously grasped:

I WILL ALWAYS NEED JESUS.

Now maybe, you read that and think: “Of course, Christians always need Jesus.”

And certainly, on one level, I would have acknowledged this. But what struck me was the realization that subconsciously I expected to need Jesus less as I matured in my faith.

After all, as children grow in maturity, it’s expected that they grow less dependent upon their parents. Certainly, adult children who have a strong relationship with their parents seek their advice, communicate regularly, and enjoy celebrating special occasions. But it’s natural and desirable for adult children to live independently from their parents and equally, for parents to let their children go.

I imagined that after 40+ years of walking with Jesus I would know enough and be sanctified enough to not need Jesus so much. I imagined that I would become more like an adult child seeking Jesus as a trusted counselor, than a baby dependent on Him for everything. I thought there would be some things I would be able to handle on my own; I thought I would turn to Him for the big things, the hard things, but the rest I would manage myself.

But that’s not how spiritual maturity works. Because we are sinners living in a fallen world, we can’t manage life on our own. Unlike a child growing in independence and living life on his own, in our relationship with the Lord, we must continue to cling to our Triune God. And unlike an earthly parent encouraging a child’s independence, our loving, gracious God keeps us in His care; He never lets us go.

During a recent worship service, we sang “God’s Highway,” by Sandra McCracken. The song images Christian maturing as a journey on a highway and in the bridge, we sing:

“I’m holding onto you, Lord
You’re holding onto me…
I’m holding onto you, Love
You’re holding onto me…
I’m holding onto you, Lord
You’re holding onto me…”

In John 15:5, Jesus expresses the same idea with a different metaphor:

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

As we abide in Christ, He abides in us. And as we abide, we become strong, mature, and fruitful.

In Psalm 73:25-26, the Psalmist points to the weakness of our heart and flesh in contrast with eternal dependence on God.

“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Then Proverbs 3:5–8 reminds us that our own wisdom and understand always fall short, but that the Lord can be trusted always:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.”

As we grow in spiritual maturity, we realize the foolishness of leaning or our own understanding, and instead depend more on the wisdom of God. We grow in the realization that we are sinful, broken, and weak and see that God is bigger, stronger, and more worthy than we imagined. Perhaps this is why Paul, as he grew in his faith, went from describing himself as the least of all the apostles to the worst of all sinners (1 Cor. 15:9; 1 Tim. 1:15). The more he matured in his faith, the more he saw the depths of his sin and the wonders of God’s grace for him in Christ.

C.S. Lewis captures this idea beautifully in Prince Caspian.

“AsIan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.”
“That is because you are older, little one,” answered he.
“Not because you are?”
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

Children of God will always need their Father. A growing knowledge of God’s holy perfection in contrast to our sinful weakness means that “adult” Christians realize that we need God more than we thought we did when we were “baby” Christians.

We always need Jesus. And instead of being mad about it, we can rejoice in it.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash