Spiritual Growth

What Jesus Shows Us About Self-Control

SUE HARRIS | CONTRIBUTOR In 1978, Melissa Manchester famously, but tragically, sang, “Don’t cry out loud. Just keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings.” It’s a complicated song about learning to cope with pain. Melissa Manchester’s antidote to a broken heart is this: don’t show pain, be strong, and learn how to hide your feelings. Other than the pleasure of hearing Manchester’s amazing pipes belting out the chorus, I don’t recommend the song or the accompanying video with the creepy circus clown. I certainly don’t recommend the song’s posture toward love, pain, and suffering. Most importantly, I don’t think Jesus would, either. But in reading Titus 2, I noticed that Paul, when talking about teaching sound doctrine, repeats the idea of self-control four times in that chapter. Four times! People of all ages and stages are to be taught self-control. This is sound doctrine, according to Paul. I’ve considered the lost art of self-control in our express- yourself- and- find- your- voice world. I wonder if hiding or denying our feelings is a way of exhibiting self-control. Is Paul telling us to keep silent about our pain? Is that self-control? Spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen any of the Inside Out movies, denying or hiding our feelings isn’t healthy. But more than healthy…is it biblical? I know there’s a difference between hiding or denying our feelings and exerting self-control, but how does this tension play out in everyday life? A Model of Self-Control When I think about perfect self-control, I think about Jesus when he was summoned by Herod. Remember, there was some triangulation going on between Jesus, Herod, and Pilate. Neither Herod nor Pilate wanted to take legal responsibility for Jesus. They didn’t seem to know what to do with this man, so they were sort of trading him back and forth, perhaps to see what the other would do. Eventually, Herod agreed to meet Jesus and was very glad because he wanted to see him perform miracles (Luke 23:8). But if you recall, Herod was also the ruler who ordered the killing of John the Baptist, Jesus’ cousin, not long before this meeting. John’s death wasn’t simply a murder; it was a brutal, grotesque decapitation that was celebrated at a party Herod threw. This is where it gets explosive and unfathomable to me. This is the moment that the Lord Jesus exhibits a level of self-control that I can’t possibly understand. Can you imagine coming face-to-face with such a wicked man as Herod?...

We Always Need Jesus

KIM BARNES|GUEST A few years ago, I found myself struggling during a worship service. If you’re like me, corporate worship has a way of uncovering emotions, thoughts, and attitudes that are more easily suppressed and controlled otherwise. During this service, I became visibly emotional. After the benediction, a friend who noticed my emotional response came over to check on me. Through tears, I blurted out, “I really need Jesus and I’m a little mad about it.” Worship confronted me anew with the fact that I can’t manage my life in this fallen world on my own. But it was more than that. I realized something I’d not previously grasped: I WILL ALWAYS NEED JESUS. Now maybe, you read that and think: “Of course, Christians always need Jesus.” And certainly, on one level, I would have acknowledged this. But what struck me was the realization that subconsciously I expected to need Jesus less as I matured in my faith. After all, as children grow in maturity, it’s expected that they grow less dependent upon their parents. Certainly, adult children who have a strong relationship with their parents seek their advice, communicate regularly, and enjoy celebrating special occasions. But it’s natural and desirable for adult children to live independently from their parents and equally, for parents to let their children go. I imagined that after 40+ years of walking with Jesus I would know enough and be sanctified enough to not need Jesus so much. I imagined that I would become more like an adult child seeking Jesus as a trusted counselor, than a baby dependent on Him for everything. I thought there would be some things I would be able to handle on my own; I thought I would turn to Him for the big things, the hard things, but the rest I would manage myself....