SHEA PATRICK | CONTRIBUTOR

I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the phone calls I have received during my five years as a Regional Advisor on the PCA’s national women’s ministry team: the women’s ministry team at a particular church is unable to accomplish any of their goals because someone is trying to take over the team, or strife and conflict have caused relationships to completely break down.

How can our leadership teams work together while loving and serving the church and each other well? I believe the answer is by working on the relationships between the women on the team. Even more, the relationships on our team can help our women’s ministry to support the mission and vision of the church or it can hinder these same things. We can take steps toward cultivating community on our team by doing two things: 1) remembering God’s design and 2) intentionally pursuing community.

Community is God’s Good Design

Community is God’s idea and his design. God is the first community; he is relational by his very nature. God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have existed in a loving relationship from eternity past. He also created us to be in community with him and one another. In fact, he created us in such a way that we need one another. This is especially true of the church as we see in 1 Corinthians 12 where Paul describes God’s design for our different gifts to work together for the benefit of the body of Christ.

“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given a manifestation of the Spirit for the common good…All these [gifts] are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills” (1 Cor. 12:4-7,11).

God created us to need each other. We get from others what we don’t have ourselves. This is part of our working together in kingdom work. But it’s not always that simple, is it? Sinners (including those in leadership) wound each other and struggle in relationship even as we work to serve the Lord. This is another effect of life in a fallen world where things don’t often work according to God’s good design. But this too is part of God’s plan for us. Even our conflict and strife are opportunities to repent and turn to the Lord for fresh grace. So how can we learn to love each other as we serve the Lord together?

Value People Over Plans

Do we really take the time to get to know the women with whom we are serving? Or do we only care about the things that they can help us accomplish? God calls us to care about the people on our team more than our agendas or plans. We show that we value them by listening to them and praying with and for them. This means we need to be intentional about planning time to build relationships among the members of the leadership team. This isn’t a waste of time; relationship building is an investment in the health of the team. One practical thing that we have done is putting a card with an individual’s name, phone number, and prayer request in a basket that we pass around at the end of our time together. Each person draws a card and that becomes her prayer partner for the week. We encourage women to text and check in with each other throughout the week as they pray. Praying for and checking in helps to build closer relationships.

To grow as a team, consider ways to practice the relational “one-another’s” prescribed by Scripture: love one another (John 13:34); honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10); live in harmony with one another (Rom 12:16); serve one another with love (Gal 5:13); bear with one another in love (Eph 4:2); be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Eph 4:32). You don’t have to be best friends with everyone on the leadership team, but strong relationships are helpful to working together and accomplishing the mission the elders have set forth for your women’s ministry. Our team often finds that time together away from our everyday routine, whether going to presbytery women’s retreats or attending the Leadership Training Conference, creates shared memories and strengthens our underlying relationships.

Deal With Conflict Well

As mentioned above, conflict is inevitable. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 that we are to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (vv.1-2). We show this eagerness when we deal lovingly and quickly with conflict. The relational capital that we have earned by our intentional relationship-building assists in these efforts. There are two important questions to ask in this endeavor.

First, consider whether you personally have contributed to or caused conflict on the team? We should lead by being the first to repent and confess our sins to one another (James 5:16). This is a significant way to display God’s work in our own hearts. As we are honest about our failures, we show God’s grace is sufficient in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

Second, ask yourself: how can I be a peacemaker in this particular situation? Have the principles of Matthew 18 been followed? Do I need to bring the conflict to the elders and ask for their counsel and prayers? Ask the Lord to give wisdom and direction in addressing issues that may arise. Pray that the Holy Spirit would be at work to bring the unity that displays God’s glory.

Will we always do these things well? Of course not! However, these fits and starts are part of God’s greater purpose, conforming us to the image of his Son through our relationships. Our women’s ministry team can be a place where God is glorified as we cultivate community and serve the church. Consider today how your team can grow in godly relationships with each other. You may find that your service feels less like work but becomes a true joy as you seek to care for each other well.

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