ELLEN DYKAS|CONTRIBUTOR
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine,
He who pastures his flock among the lilies.
Song of Songs 6:3
“My heart just isn’t in a place to receive your initiative towards me.”
With these words, I ended a short-lived dating relationship years ago. I hung up the phone and sighed with a touch of disappointment—and two dabs of relief. He was a kind enough man, gentle and humble in his pursuit, but the truth was exactly what I had attempted to tell him: beyond being my friend and a brother in Christ, I didn’t desire to let him ‘in’ to my heart and life.
Holy Woven Twosome
As I processed the whole thing with the Lord in the days leading up to ‘the ETR call’, (end the relationship) the Spirit had given a deeper clarity: it wasn’t time to invite a man into our ‘holy-woven twosome.’ And it was OK to be in this place.
Yes, a holy woven twosome: Jesus and I, Jesus and you. This is a way I’ve understood and articulated my union with Christ as a single woman, and more importantly as his woman. I am my beloved’s and he is mine! When feeling lonely, unknown, unpursued, and uncherished (hopefully not all at the same time, but I’ve had seasons of this too), it helps keep me anchored to remember: I’m yours Lord and you’re mine.
Mr. Kind-Enough really was a nice guy. He was super creative, and truth be told, some of the ways he showed care for and interest in me were right in tune with what I enjoy and communicates ‘I’m delighted in’ to my heart. Imagine: a stroll through a quiet downtown, slow and soft snowfall in December, red Starbucks coffee cups in hand. But not his hand in my hand. It wasn’t time to open up my affections for a man. He wasn’t the one from whom and with whom to experience the unique ways a man and a woman can share love and affection.
Jesus, however, is constantly and consistently pursuing, wooing, cherishing, and loving me. We’re eternally bound to one another in a way that I’ll never be with another. Even if one day Mr. I’m-Ready/Desirous-To-Receive-Your-Love comes along, and my holy woven twosome grows into a threesome for this earthy life. Even then, the assurance and heart-settling words of truth must continue to be my anchor.
I am my beloved’s and he is mine!
This truth helps me, when my relationship world feels (and maybe is) lonely and disappointing. When my singleness seems to add a heavy burden to carry alongside the other responsibilities I bear in caring for others. And I’ve witnessed deeply beautiful transformation in the lives of hundreds of wives, themselves in lonely and disappointing marriages, when they receive and believe this truth: they are loved perfectly and intimately by Jesus.
When we live, love, serve, and help others out of our belongingness to Christ, something happens. The desire for payback slowly decreases. The angst of not being thanked or noticed or praised gradually dissipates. The ache of loneliness (whether you are single or married) is soothed. Jesus wants the eternal reality of being HIS to change the way we respond to life and the opportunities he gives and the opportunities he shields us from.
What is happening in your holy-woven twosome? Is Christ calling you to receive something that you’d rather say, “No…but thanks anyway, Lord!”? Perhaps he is withholding something on which you have prematurely engraved the word “MINE.” (Mr. Let’s-Be-a-Holy-Woven-Threesome still hasn’t come onto my scene!) By faith today, you might whisper or cry or shout or joyfully exude, depending on where you are at, “Lord I’m yours and you are mine…and I rest in this being what I need today.”
Lord, thank you for having me lovingly and deeply in your heart as yours. And that you also want to help me grow in responding with, “And you’re mine Lord…we are united and bound for all eternity in secure, holy, healthy love.” Help me today to see where I demand that others give me a sense of belonging that only you can deeply provide. Set me free Lord from attachments I’ve made which are intruding on our holy-woven twosome…and enable me to let go and take hold of your hand once again.
