MARIA CURREY | CONTRIBUTOR

Much of motherhood is wisdom taking flight in hindsight. Prayer was the cocooning to my firstborn’s arrival—praying to get it right, to raise our baby in all the ways God desires. I remember driving home alone one evening, anticipating the arrival of this sweet child. At a tender twenty-two, my spirit sought answers, assured success, wisdom, and grace for this little heartbeat within. The comforting protection of God’s Presence filled my prayers, but in a different way from which I yearned. “Father, please help us to guide and raise this little one’s heart,” I cried. With clarity, my mind’s ear heard, “Maria, you two are just the shepherds of this baby. I am this little one’s Father and always will be. This heartbeat belongs to Me.”

It was 1988. We didn’t know who was growing within, a girl or a boy, dark-haired like Daddy, blue-eyed like Mommy? We were soon to tumble head over heels in love. Our precious firstborn, a little girl, was born to us on a blistering hot August day. In a dramatically miraculous entry, saved from the clutches of near tragedy, I met her after an emergency c-section. Her expressions so like her Daddy’s, her little eyes searching my face, her ears tuned to my voice, her coos the sweetest melody; oh, to cocoon her in protected peace!

Growth in a Chrysalis

However, life in Christ is not a cocoon but a chrysalis. No butterfly takes wing without a complex and even painful transformation. So, it is with parenting. God, as the infinite Father and Creator, designed delicate creatures to symbolize much what our own children experience while becoming the next generation—a becoming like Him that will not be finished this side of heaven.

Next came our second child, a towheaded, blue-eyed boy, who was as inquisitive as he was quick on his feet. Two and a half years later came the youngest, another son, whom we call our man of mirth. All three different and yet inescapably a mixture of us and God’s masterful design. Born into a military family, these three each have their own birthplaces as unique as their personalities, a full country triangle represented: a Washingtonian, New Yorker, and North Carolinian.

The chrysalis of each involved years of development, regular challenges faced from babies to toddlers, preschool to elementary, hormonally charged middle school into high school interests, with faith more greatly formed and owned, college choices made, and life then continuing beyond.  Each place we moved posed challenges, our oldest experiencing thirteen schools in her twelve years prior to college. Different homes and military installations, friends who came and went, many whom they left with tears and promises to keep in touch. What shaped, molded, and made their wings stronger? Mostly the hard places, the walls which their wings pushed against to eventually fly.

Faith in flight was always the prayerful goal as we raised our children in Christ’s love, following the Deuteronomy 6:4-5 call to love the LORD our God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength, to speak of His love along life’s paths, and to post them upon the doorframes of our home, to etch His love on our children’s hearts. They shared fellowship time in the evenings, memorizing Scripture, learning from God’s word, going to Sunday School, , then student ministry  groups a as they grew. Prayer was our go-to covering before school every day and before they slept at night. All of these strengthened their wings but were not guarantees of winged freedom.

Testimonies of God’s Faithfulness

Each of my children has experienced heartrending challenges. Each has a customized chrysalis, created by God specifically for them.  I asked each to share the top three words of growing up in our family and these are their candid responses.

Our firstborn, daughter of many moves while sensitive, profoundly artistic, and prone to melancholy responded with “Service-oriented, Active, and Church.” By Service-oriented, she describes in her words, “volunteering, taking cookies to public safety—military gate-guards—on  Christmas morning, giving time and energy back to community and organizations—much of this as the example you and Dad set.”  Active for her meant “lots of extra-curricular activities, trips, cool experiences, and travel.”  My husband crafts a winning travel itinerary, and we traipsed our way over many a European mile in just one year in Germany. Church for her meant, “VBS, music, Bible studies held in our home, church leadership in Women’s Ministry, (watching her dad) being a deacon and elder and Sunday School.” Know that our prayers for a conventional Christian happily-ever-after have been a circuitous and challenging route for our beloved daughter. Twin daughters and a younger son—our three oldest and resilient grandchildren—were born into her first marriage which was riddled by PTSD; twins with severe, life-threatening illness; alcoholism; and betrayal. Chrysalis pressures at their most threatening to delicate wings. And yet, she loves the Lord, she sings His praises, her children know Jesus’ great love for them, and they are growing in His protective care.

For our second born, following in his father’s feet for military service in the Army, he suffered a horrendous accident two years into his active-duty time. He literally fell from the collapsed canopy of a protective parachute to a burst fractured back and an instant new trajectory for his life. His words for growing in our family are, “Fun, God-focused, and Loving,” As he describes, “My childhood was fun with family trips, sports, and extracurricular activities. Life was God-focused, kind of self-explanatory. Lots of church related activities. And loving. I always felt loved and like I had a spot in the family.” He adds a bonus word, “Transient.” In that “we moved a lot. Don’t have tons of childhood friends. Easy to get to know people, but just as easy to leave them behind and move on.”  Resulting from his many moves, this son is exceedingly loyal to the friends he has made along the way.

Our youngest follows suit with, “Loving, Stable, and Adventurous.” In his words, “I never had to question if you or Dad loved me (not a low bar at all with some of my friends’ upbringing), never felt burdened by basic needs (y’all provided) and growing up, moving to so many different places provided so many cool and unique opportunities to see the world.” He also added a bonus, saying, “There’s probably a genuine sentiment of very high standards—and not in a bad way, but high expectations for character and achievement.”

Struggle is part of the process for our children. It’s an important process the Lord uses in bringing them to himself and in shaping them into who He created them to be. Christian parenting is not a chrysalis which produces flight patterns projected by our will but by prayers guarded by God’s Spirit winging them in His will, His way, and His wisdom. As a mom looking back on motherhood, I can see God’s faithfulness in the lives of my children. I’ve always been just a shepherd; He is their perfect Father.

 

Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash