JAMYE DOERFLER | CONTRIBUTOR

This summer, we’re preparing to take our eldest child to his final year of college. We’ve gotten pretty used to this by now, but I remember the particular angst of taking him his first year. I counted down the days of summer, relishing every last hug, anticipating the emptiness of the house without him. Once he was gone, I counted down the days until fall break, reconciling myself to the reality that even though he was coming home, we had already begun the process of letting him go.

Of course, every family situation is different: children may go far away to school or stay close to home; some may join the military or get a job and be out of the house for good.

Regardless of the specific details, when our child graduates from high school and begins the next chapter, it becomes clear that, as parents, we are losing our daily “ownership” of them, which can be difficult to accept. Whether we are anticipating that our child will thrive or are anxious that our child will struggle, this transition usually comes with some strong emotions.

If the emotions of saying goodbye to your child are overwhelming you, consider this reality: our children were never only ours; they have always been the Lord’s.

James writes, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (1:17), and the psalmist calls children a reward from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5). They are given to us by the Father.

In fact, the Lord, as Creator, owns it all. Psalm 24:1 begins, “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell within.” Though everything belongs to the Creator, including our own hearts and our children, He has granted us the great and difficult privilege of child rearing, caring for the helpless infant and training them up in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), preparing them for precisely the moment you’re staring down now.

After eighteen years of watching over, loving, disciplining, and making decisions for and with our child, the first time they leave home may be the first time our trust in the Lord’s care for our children is truly tested.

Examples of Letting Go

In the Old Testament, there are two people who displayed an uncommon understanding that their child was first the Lord’s, then their own: Hannah and Abraham.

In 1 Samuel 1, Hannah wants a child so desperately that she promises the Lord that if He grants her a son, she will return the child fully to the Lord’s service, and she follows through on that promise. As soon as her son Samuel is weaned, Hannah brings him to the temple to be raised by a priest and serve the Lord all his days. Indeed, Samuel becomes Israel’s first great prophet. 1 Samuel 1:24 makes clear that when Hannah returned him to the temple, “the child was young.” I struggled to say goodbye to my eighteen-year-old. Imagine saying goodbye to a preschooler!

Abraham is called to an even more extreme act of faith. In Genesis 22, the Lord commands him to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, who was born after decades of barrenness. Abraham obeys, fully prepared to sacrifice his child to the One to whom he truly belongs, when the Lord intervenes and provides a ram to sacrifice instead. The Lord gave Abraham a unique test—there’s no other recording of the Lord ever asking this of another human. But even letting our children go into adulthood can be a test for us.

Both Hannah and Abraham had waited a long time for the Lord to grant them a child. These children were special treasures to them. Yet, they were ready and willing to let go of their child in the name of obedience to the Lord.

Everyday Obedience

I think we can agree that these two situations are rather extreme examples of returning children to their Maker. However, through the command to consecrate the firstborn son, the Lord had commanded every single Jew to acknowledge that everything, including their children, truly belonged to Him.

After the birth of a firstborn son, the Israelites were commanded to redeem him: take him to the temple, consecrate him to the Lord, and then “buy” him back from the Lord (Numbers 18:15-16). The symbolic act of giving their child to the Lord and then paying for him was a reminder that the Lord has claim on everything, all the world and its inhabitants.

Jesus himself was redeemed by his parents, who “brought him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord” (Luke 2:22).

No such law is put on Christians today, so we lose this frequent reminder of the Lord’s claim on our children. However, it can be a helpful reality to dwell on when we are overcome by worry or sadness at saying goodbye.

As we are with our child less and less and our daily influence wanes, we can take comfort that they are God’s. He will be the One who is with them all the days of their lives—not just the first eighteen years. He will guide them, provide for them, and comfort them when we aren’t there to do it.

And because we are also His, He will also comfort us when we need it—which could be right this moment.

Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash