BETHANY BELUE | CONTRIBUTOR
It was a beautiful fall day when my husband and I stood in front of a sanctuary, with family and friends gathered around, and entered into a covenant of marriage. As our nerves jittered and our hearts pounded, our pastor pointed out words from four verses that the Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Colossae. Almost nine years later, these words continue to remain in my heart and have overflowed into my marriage and family.
Colossians 3:12-15:
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Our pastor encouraged us with four truths from this passage as we entered into this binding covenant. Love as you have been loved, forgive as you have been forgiven, encourage as you have been encouraged, and serve as you have been served. Love, forgive, encourage, and serve. These are words I’ve always wanted to offer in my relationships, but the Lord has specifically used the way they were taught from this passage to show me more of my need for Jesus and how it is only through Him that we can offer these things to others.
Love as you have been loved
It’s hard to love others. Over the last nine years of marriage, I’ve realized how much I really don’t have what it takes to love another person without the help of Jesus. I want to show love to my husband and children, but my heart is selfish and often feels like a rollercoaster of emotions tainted with sin. All throughout the Bible, we read multiple accounts of how the Lord showed love to His children, culminating with the sacrifice of His Son on the cross for our sins. Jesus came and died because He knew we needed Him. There was no other way. He showed perfect love and gave us the opportunity to not only receive it, but to show it to others. I John 4 is a beautiful picture of the Lord’s love for us, with the central truth being “we love because he first loved us” (v.19). What an incredible opportunity we have to be united to others in that love!
Forgive as you have been forgiven
We are wounded in our relationships. In our marriages, in our parenting, in our relationships, we hurt and wound one another. Relationships expose our sin and our need for Christ. As we experience grace and forgiveness, we can express that forgiveness and grace to others. Forgiveness is a word we talk about a lot in our home right now. As I parent my children who regularly have sibling squabbles, we talk about what it means to forgive when one is hurt by another. As I watch how hard it is for my children to forgive each other, I’m reminded it’s really only through Jesus that we let go of sin committed against us. Jesus not only forgave my sin, but he took it all on His shoulders so that I wouldn’t have to bear it. I am often reminded that, on my best day, I’m not beyond the need of God’s grace and on my worst day I’m not beyond the reach of God’s grace. He loved me enough to forgive me, and I now have the opportunity to teach my children what it looks like to love and forgive one another.
Encourage as you have been encouraged
Encourage as you have been encouraged. In marriage, it can be easy to think of your spouse as the enemy. There isn’t a marriage that doesn’t go through hard seasons and in those seasons, we have to make the decision whether we are going to point fingers in blame or remain united. God’s love enables us to live in unity together. We are to speak words of truth and love to each other and remind each other that the Lord’s heart is good toward us. I love how Paul challenges the Colossians to teach and admonish in wisdom. In family life, there are times we must speak hard truths to one another, but we can do it in a way that builds each other up in the Lord– that points them to the Gospel and shows them the same encouragement that Jesus gives us.
Serve as you have been served
Marriage and parenting are both some of the greatest opportunities to show service to others. A few days ago, I spent an entire day cleaning my house. I was thankful for a clean house and proud that I had gotten the task done. As my family ate dinner that evening, it only took one look under the table to see that my children dropped a plate of crumbs on my freshly mopped hardwood floor. I was reminded at that moment that I had the choice to be either frustrated or thankful. I could be frustrated that the floor would need to be cleaned again only hours after I had finished. Or thankful for these children that the Lord entrusted to me and that I had the opportunity to serve my family. Jesus modeled servanthood throughout His ministry. Jesus left His heavenly home where He experienced glory and honor only to be born in a stable, to live amongst the sick and the poor, and to die a humiliating death on the cross. Jesus offered the ultimate sacrifice of love and servanthood so that we may experience an abundant life. Serving others is an opportunity to reflect Jesus to others. There are many times I don’t want to serve my family, but it is a gift to do so We receive the gift of Jesus and live in relationship with Him. And we are not doing this alone. On the hard days we can ask for His help. On the good days we can thank Him for His help.
At the closing of our wedding ceremony, our pastor spoke these words to us: “Let your marriage be something that points people to Christ.” Those words continue to challenge me. The hard and beautiful part of marriage in Christ is that it’s just not about us. Marriage is an opportunity to experience and show Jesus every day. In my own marriage and now in my parenting journey, it is walking in the daily sufficient grace of Jesus that He offers moment by moment. Prayerfully as my husband and I both walk together, we are able to love as we have been loved, forgive as we have been forgiven, encourage as we have been encouraged, and serve as we have been served.
Sisters, may we all be encouraged and challenged by the words of Paul in Colossians 3. If we are in Christ, we are His holy and beloved children. We have the privilege of living as ones who have the indwelt Christ in us. We extend love, forgiveness, encouragement, and service to others from our union with Him. He gives us everything we need and has promised to be near to us until the day we experience these things in their fullness when we enter eternity with Him.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
