JUDY LIVINGSTON | GUEST

When I left my hometown and moved to Knoxville, I left behind a host of spiritual mothers, many I had known my whole life, including my own mom. I still had them of course, but I prayed before the move that the Lord would prepare a place for us in Knoxville and by a place, I meant a people.

He slowly began providing this through friends at work, friends in my grad school program, and eventually in a church home. But the absence of a spiritual mother lingered. Spiritual mothers are people you can melt into. They are safe women, honest women, wise women. Women who feast on the Word and women who battle for you in prayer. Their presence is life-giving, so their absence is noticeable.

Into the void came Cary. She filled it slowly. I didn’t know right away that this friendship would be so meaningful to me. It took time and multiple conversations and growing comfortable with each other—which is something I appreciated, as I am like that myself. Cary was the first spiritual mother I saw something of myself in. Observing the way she lives is powerful because it makes me believe I can live that way too.

Week by week, our relationship grew. She faithfully led our small group alongside her husband. She fed us countless tacos. She held my newborn so I could eat with both hands. She chased my toddler so I could participate in conversations. She spoke to us every week at church, and she helped us pack up the moving truck when we moved away. But Cary did more than serve. She listened to me when I told her I was struggling with my emotions postpartum. And when it was time for us to make a decision about career and a move back home, she let me cry and express anger and confusion. Cary never shied away from my honesty about the world and God’s plan for me

Cary taught me about patiently nurturing relationships, about hospitality, about leading with listening, about creating safe spaces, about being a wife and a mother, and about love. But what Cary taught me the most was how someone like me could live boldly, obediently, missionally.

Early in our small group days, Cary announced that she was going on a mission trip to Prague. When she got back, she told us all about her time serving missionaries and loving refugees. I remember thinking how much I would love to do a mission trip like that. I was pregnant at the time, so it felt impossible. Cary continued going to Prague. She became the church’s point person for our partners there, and she talked about her ministry a lot, not in an annoying way, but in a captivating way. Cary obeyed a call, and it is transformed her.

To make a long, wild story short, my husband and I ended up on one of Cary’s Prague trips. It was life-changing for us. Watching Cary on that trip as someone with similar speed, personality, and gifts as me, was encouraging and empowering, not because Cary was able to somehow muster up enough strength to use her gifts and not let her weakness affect her service. It was encouraging and empowering because she was doing everything completely Spirit led. She let God use her gifts however He pleased for the advancement of His Kingdom, even if it meant flying overseas to a country where she had never been. In an even more admirable way, she relied on God to give her power over her weaknesses. She handed anxiety over the language barrier, the intense trauma, and the daily unpredictability found in Prague to the Lord because she trusted that He had called her there.

Surrender your gifts. Swallow your pride. Stop idolizing comfort. Trust. These are things I learned from Cary. She showed me there is freedom in obedience and how to wear shoes “fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace” (Eph 6:15).

Cary and I certainly bonded in Prague and my relationship with her made leaving Knoxville much harder. She was and will continue to be a spiritual mother to me. The Lord uses women and the generations to breathe life into His people and to advance His Kingdom. He provided for us in Knoxville as I trust He will provide in new ways as we transition back home in this new season of life. The amazing thing about spiritual mothering is that you don’t have to be a mother; you don’t even have to be that old. Every Christian woman has girls who are younger than her, those who are looking to her and following her. I pray those looking to me know not only that I care for them but also see that the gospel has transformed me into a courageously obedient follower of Christ, confident in the power of the resurrection within.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash