JENNA BOGARD | GUEST

As my dear pastor neared the end of his life in 2022, I wept by his hospital bed. All I could utter was, “Jim, you are going to be with Christ soon!” His face lit up; that was all he wanted. His intimacy with Christ was apparent to everyone who knew him. Prior to his death, he repeatedly urged me to dive into the Song of Solomon as it ministered to him greatly in his last few months of suffering with ALS. At the time, I dismissed his claim that the book had anything to do with Christ and the church and even teased him for holding such beliefs. I wish he was still here so I could humbly admit my error and thank him for pointing me to some of the most beautiful truths of Christ that I’ve only begun to uncover.

A Reflection of the Heart        

Dr. David Murray’s exposition of Song of Solomon chapter five was particularly impactful as it so perfectly described my spiritual condition at the time: utterly weak, fearful, depressed, and desperate.[i] As the chapter opens, the groom is at the door, calling the bride to open the door (v. 2). However, the bride is apathetic to his call. “I had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them?” (v.3) The bride didn’t want to put in the effort, a situation we usually find ourselves in when we have temporarily satisfied ourselves with the lust of our idols.

As a result of her neglect, the groom walks away from the door. Theologically, we know that God will never leave us or forsake us (Heb. 13:5). However, there are times when God, in His mercy, removes a sense of His presence in order to provoke a deeper thirst. In this passage, the bride responds to this withdrawal by running out to the city and begging the daughters of Jerusalem to help her find the groom. She realizes her idols didn’t satisfy, and she has made a grave mistake. Restless, she is desperate for her groom to return.

One would think that God could never use a believer in such a seemingly shameful, depressed, and fragile state. Our tendency is to elevate those who “see the good” in everything and press on despite hardship. In this passage though, we see a woman who is desperate. She longs for her groom but cannot find him. Has he left her forever? Perhaps this reminds us of our dear friend at Bible study who confides in her sisters that she can’t hear or feel God near her. She feels alone. She only holds precious memories of her former intimacy with Him. She wonders if she has been forsaken. She keeps seeking Him but still feels empty.

In the text, the daughters of Jerusalem essentially ask her what is so special about this groom that they must all drop what they are doing to find him. She spends the next six verses describing His perfection and beauty (vs. 10–16). She desperately wants them to understand His nature. By the time she is done, the daughters of Jerusalem have changed their disposition. Now, they want Him too!

“Where has your beloved gone, O most beautiful among women? Where has your beloved turned, that we may seek him with you?” (Song of Sol. 6:1).

A Testimony, Even in Sorrow

What a testimony from the depressed! How many did she point to the Lord? I had a similar experience in 2023 when I went through crushing circumstances. I was so broken and scared. I cried at just about every Bible study for well over a year. The odd thing about this time is that I remember God using me so much more than in the seasons of life when I believed I “had it all together.” My brokenness was the platform for His glory. Yes, I was weak, but my face was constantly turned toward Him, relying on Him for every breath and step. So many people came to me during that time for counsel and I consistently told the Lord that I was not in the battle at the time; I was on “sabbatical” from the Christian life. He would have to wait to use me until I was self-sustaining again. I was a mess and freely confessed to others that such was the case. The truth was, I couldn’t point to myself as the standard for their help anymore. I needed help; I was a beggar pointing other beggars to the Bread of Life.

I recently met with a friend who struggles with chronic pain. She shared her feelings of guilt and inadequacy for what she deemed to be a failure to learn whatever lesson God was trying to teach her. The next thing she told me brought me to tears. She stated, “Most days all I can do is lay in my bed with one hand open asking God to help me and another hand closed in order to cling to Him.” She continued to condemn herself. I, on the other hand, had not seen such faith in a long time. Isn’t this exactly what the Lord desires?

What are you gazing at, dear friend? Whatever it is, people will want to know what (or who) you are staring at. And more, to whom you are clinging. Even in your depression, say along with David, “Your face, Lord, do I seek,” (Ps. 27:8) and watch as others begin to follow you to your treasure: Jesus Christ.

[i] David Murray, Spiritual Panic Attack, Sermon Audio, December 24, 2010, https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermons/122410125420.

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