HANNAH STARNES|GUEST

Not quite two years into full time ministry, I attended my first WE (Wives of Elders) event at Women’s Leadership Training in Atlanta. WE was just getting off the ground and as a young pastor’s wife, I was thrilled there was a ministry specifically for the wives of elders. Though my husband had not been a TE (Teaching Elder) for long, we were already weary, and I found myself continuing to take on more than I should because I believed that was expected of me. A joke had been made more than once that when my husband was hired, they had gotten “two for the price of one” because I had a hard time saying no. Without a mentor to guide me, I burned out quickly. But at the WE meeting, I felt relief for the first time. I was pregnant and therefore already emotional, but as I left the room I cried as I recapped the experience to my mom, telling her that I had met and connected with women who understood what I was going through. I was no longer alone! It was a special time of sharing one another’s burdens as well as rejoicing with one another through the cheerful parts of ministry. I saw 1 Corinthians 12:26 working out before my eyes, “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” I came away feeling refreshed.

In early 2024, I joined the WE team to be a liaison for the new WE cohorts. I wanted others to feel the way I did after that first WE meeting—connected, cared for, understood. It is a privilege to be a part of a group that seeks to connect elders’ wives to one another to fight against the feelings of isolation, bitterness, and misunderstanding. These cohorts have changed and altered over time but still maintain the purpose of connecting both teaching and ruling elders’ wives together for the purpose of encouragement and glorifying God together.

In the past few months, after both our church building and the manse where my family lives experienced significant flooding during Hurricane Helene, my husband and I have reached new (for us!) levels of exhaustion and frustration in ministry. There was no course at RTS Charlotte on navigating a natural disaster as a pastor! We were displaced from our home for over a month, leaving us very disconnected from the congregation. Instead of meeting 3-4 times a week with our brothers and sisters in Christ, we gathered for an hour each week in an elementary school library. Where we could usually just walk across the parking lot for church, we now had to drive an hour up the mountain from where we were staying to attend each week.

I was exhausted. I felt very alone during that time and some days I didn’t know if I could face another day with more bad news or another setback. I reached out to other women on the WE team for prayer and encouragement. Immediately I felt better and more connected. Though these women are spread out in different states, I felt the encouragement from their prayers and felt connected to other partners in ministry. Once again, they shared my burden and then rejoiced with me as we were able to open our church doors once again for services in early January.

These women also encouraged me to seek counseling services from Cherish through the Geneva Benefits in the PCA. I am in the process of being placed with a counselor now and am so thankful for the subsidies that Cherish provides. I receive the help I need at a low cost. My sinful nature would have me fall into a state of bitterness through all we have been through the past several months, but both WE and Cherish are tools that the Lord has provided so that I and other pastors’ wives may not fall into that temptation. I have experienced the encouragement from other women who understand the burdens and joys of ministry and look forward to receiving professional help to sort through the emotions and hardships of these rocky few months.

I am so grateful for both WE and Cherish; two ministries that the Lord is using in my life to not only equip me to be a better wife to my husband and a better servant to my church, but also to fashion me into the image of his Son, Jesus Christ.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash