AMY SANTARELLI |GUEST
“I sit at the back of the church and look around at all the families and everyone looks like they are happy and have a great life. Church is a very hard place to be.”
I have heard such words more than once from my friends who are single again, whether through death or divorce. Other single women have similar thoughts. These dear women of all ages often struggle with loneliness, financial challenges, feeling overwhelmed, and connecting with others.
God’s care for the vulnerable is found all through Scripture. Deuteronomy 24:17-22 describes God’s provision for the immigrant, orphan, and widow. Psalm 68:8 declares God as Father to the fatherless and protector of widows. In James we see true religion described as caring for the vulnerable among us.
How can we reflect God’s provision and care for the single women in our fellowship? How can we help them feel loved and seen?
1. Anticipating needs. There are often tasks involved with caring for a home that for one reason or another are difficult for a single woman to tackle on her own. This is true of car maintenance as well. When you are working on home or car maintenance tasks for your family, consider checking in with the single women of your church to help them as well. When you are changing out your furnace filter, add that to your list to check on with single women in your church. If you are repairing a leaky faucet in your home, consider it an opportunity to check in on a single mom to see if there are any repairs needed in her home. Raking the leaves in your yard? Is there perhaps a widow in your church who might need help raking hers? Was there a big windstorm? Check if she has downed limbs. When cold weather comes, she may need more air in her tires or firewood stacked outside. Did you just rotate your tires or take your car in for an oil change? Check in with that single church member to see if she needs help with her car as well.
Because no one knows how to do everything, your church may choose to develop a team of people who have different skills: handyman, electrical, carpentry, plumbing, financial, automotive, etc. This team can be available to provide help when needed.
2. Intentionality: My single friends all say asking for help is hard. They know people are busy and they don’t want to be a burden. We can make it easier for them by asking them first. One way to do this is to tell them you plan to come over periodically, maybe once a month, and ask them to have a to-do list ready. Use a calendar to help you remember. I’ve been told that even if they have nothing on the list, just being checked on makes them feel loved, remembered, and secure—that they have a family who is taking care of them.
Often when my husband goes to a widow’s home to work on a project, I go along. Sometimes I help him with his tasks, or I just spend time with her. Usually, as I chat or do the dishes, I learn more about how to better help and pray for her. One way to foster a relationship with a single woman is to invite her over for a meal. This will go a long way in building trust and relationship, making it more likely she will receive your help.
3. Spiritual needs: Don’t forget the spiritual needs of the single women in your church. Having an elder check in with how she is doing helps her feel shepherded. Perhaps the wife of the elder can also be included in the conversation so that she can better know how to love her and pray for her. Consider also the practical needs of single moms. They may need babysitting help so that they can participate in Bible studies and women’s events.
4.Inclusion: Singles are often overlooked when we consider inviting guests over for a meal. Or they may be the only single in the group, so be thoughtful of who you include with them. Be aware of conversations when you are together in a group. One single friend told me her church small group only talked about husbands and children and awkwardly left her out of the conversation. Have a periodic game night or evening out with just women and include your singles. They will love the chance to laugh and be with other women where they don’t feel like a third wheel.
Church can be a hard place for those who are single. But it doesn’t have to be. When we are intentional to show single women that we see them and care about their needs, they will feel included and part of our church family. So take the time to get to know them. Sit with them at church. Invite them to your home. Consider their practical needs. As we take another look at our single-again women and learn to better love them, may we be able to fulfill I Thessalonians 5:14: “We urge you, … encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”
Photo by Benjamin Manley on Unsplash
