KATELYN ROSS|GUEST

What would happen to my kids if I wasn’t here?

I resent my husband for letting me be the default parent (even though he’s a good husband and dad).

I secretly feel like I’m more spiritually mature than my husband.

Staying home with my kids is killing me inside.

Isn’t there more to my life than this?

I can’t forgive myself for what I did before I was a Christian. Am I even saved now?

I hear these sentiments multiple times each week in my biblical counseling sessions. Women are often embarrassed for thinking and feeling these ways because they assume they’re the only ones experiencing their own particular kind of suffering. I’m here to tell you they absolutely are not alone, and neither are you. Motherhood and marriage are difficult in a fallen world in which we daily encounter our own sins, the sins of others, and the realities of life lived in a broken world where even the creation groans for release. Not to mention, Satan’s temptations! The Lord in His kindness has provided means for us to thwart Satan’s attacks, including knowing Scripture, knowing our identity as a child of God, and being known by others in our church community. 

Knowing God’s Word

We often forget that our Savior faced temptation Himself. The author to the Hebrews tells us: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (4:15). Although He did not sin, and He never struggled with the thoughts that many of my clients and I have, Jesus Christ lived in this fallen world just like we do. He understands the temptations we face. Even more, He faced those temptations for us and defeated them.

In Matthew 4, we read of Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness. Immediately, we see that Satan caught Him at the end of His time in the wilderness and used Jesus’ humanity against Him, not unlike the way Satan uses our physical limitations against us. Jesus was hungry after forty days of fasting in the wilderness and Satan tempted Him to turn stones into bread to eat. What did Jesus do? He quoted Scripture, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (v.4).  Then, Satan questioned Jesus’ identity as the Son of God. What did Jesus do? He again turned to God’s Word. Lastly, Satan offered Jesus the whole world if He would just bow down and worship him. What did Jesus do? He quoted Scripture, “You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve” (v.10). 

Each time Jesus quoted Scripture, He quoted from Deuteronomy where we read of God’s people wandering in the wilderness. Unlike Jesus, they could not obey God. They spent those years grumbling and complaining, yielding their hearts to false gods, and giving in to temptation. Our lives are not so different. Even today, Satan tempts us in similar ways. He finds us at our weakest—in our own wilderness wanderings—and offers us an easy escape. He challenges everything God has told us, just as he did with our first mother in Genesis 3. He promises us our heart’s desires, if only we would yield our life to him. Our perfect Savior stood firm against Satan and obeyed God in every way, doing what we could not do. We have a Savior who understands our temptations. And He gives us His Word to cling to and trust in when we face temptation. When our thoughts lead us down rabbit trails to places where worries run unfettered, God’s Word brings us back to the shelter of His grace. When shame taunts and derides us, God’s Word speaks life to our hearts.  

Knowing Your Identity

“Who does God say you are?” My clients hear these words almost every session, my son after a rough day in Pre-K, and my husband after a struggle with his boss. We need daily reminders because Satan is daily asking us “…Did God actually say…?” (Gen. 3:1). Romans 5:10 says, “For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.” God loves us so much that when we were His enemies, He sent Jesus to die for us and called us His own. How much more weight does our identity carry now that “he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will” (‭‭Eph. ‭1‬:‭5)‬? When will these words be enough for us to realize our true value? Our identity in Christ isn’t just nice to pull out of our back pockets when we need a pick-me-up; it is an essential truth to internalize in our everyday lives as wives and mothers. 

Knowing Your Community

Throughout Scripture we watch women decide who they will make community with. Orpah and Ruth both made choices in the face of hopelessness in Ruth 1. Both their husbands had died and they had to decide whether to return home to their father’s house or stay with Naomi, their mother-in-law. Orpah chose the familiar, her family and her gods, while Ruth followed Naomi and her God. Naomi’s care for her daughter-in-law (“…And she lived with her mother-in-law.” Ruth‬ ‭2‬:‭23‬) and wise counsel (“But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do.” Ruth ‭3‬:‭4‬) gave way to Ruth’s redemption story, one that foreshadows Christ coming to redeem His people. Ruth’s love and loyalty strengthened Naomi when Ruth gave birth to Obed. “He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him” (Ruth 4:15). Their relationship was mutually beneficial and built each of them up in faithfulness to the Lord.

There is a reason Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Your Christian community is your lifeline because it points you to Jesus himself and keeps you heavenly minded. It would have been so simple for Naomi to continue on as “Mara” (Ruth 1:20) if it weren’t for the community she had with Ruth. She could have lived life alone and discouraged, frustrated with God and distant from Him in her pain, but her community, Ruth, was determined to hold her up when she couldn’t hold herself up. “But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God” (‭‭Ruth‬ ‭1‬:‭16)‬. Naomi learned later, through letting Ruth know her and love her, how to be Naomi, or “pleasant,” again. Just like in Naomi’s life, isolation threatens our relationship with Jesus because it allows us to focus on our pain, our suffering, our earthly mindset that we deserve better than this.  When we instead engage with our covenant community, we are reminded of what is true. We are encouraged to persevere. 

So, no, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is not a new thing. The evil one is persistent. Remember, you matter beyond the mess in the back of your minivan and the Lord sees the tears you cry in the shower. Stand firm against the devil’s schemes with the Word of God, the reassurance of your identity in Christ, and the support and accountability of a strong Christian community. 

Photo by BETZY AROSEMENA on Unsplash