KRISTEN HATTON | GUEST

With two children married and one entering his final year of college, I know how fast the years go by. And while we love the empty nester stage we are now in, I miss the activities that characterized our lives during my children’s growing up years. The school and sports-related activities, yes, but also the sitting down at the dinner table together, playing games, watching a TV series, relaxing by the pool, the laughter and noise. Worshipping together and discussing the sermon over Sunday lunch. The everyday conversations that come through normal family life together.

Looking back, I see that the seemingly insignificant moments were actually the most important. These weren’t Instagrammable so the magnitude could easily be missed. But it was also not happenstance that the regular routines of daily life far exceeded any fleeting post as a shaping influence on our kids. Above everything, my husband and I wanted our kids to know their need for Jesus and his love for them. We wanted our family to be closely connected, to feel safe to be vulnerable and known by each other. To this end, even when we couldn’t see the forest for the trees, we endeavored to be intentional according to what we valued most.

Our kids didn’t always like the decisions we made. I felt lonely at times swimming upstream against the culture. But by God’s grace we persevered, looking not to their temporal happiness (or ours), but toward a hope that they would root their lives in Christ.

Certainly, there is no formula for ensuring a life of faith for our kids and the relationships we desire to cultivate. It is by the grace of God, and yet as parents we are called to diligently shepherd their hearts (Deut. 6:7). But it starts with us—with our hearts. Scripture tells us, “For where our treasure is there our heart will be also (Matt. 6:21).” Where our treasure is. Therefore, I encourage you to evaluate if and how your family rhythms point to and flow from your greatest treasure. And if not, how you might reorient those rhythms this school year. I’ve outlined below five considerations.

Margin

We live in a world of hurry and wear many hats. Some of our roles and responsibilities are set. But if we take an honest inventory of our time and what’s on our plates, I imagine there are things we’ve said “yes” to at the expense of unscheduled space for our family. When we are overscheduled, we are distracted and have little margin for any additional infringement on our time, including our family members’ need for us to be present and attune to their needs. Therefore, evaluating what and why you are doing something and whether something needs to give to make space to be available to your children is a great first step in redeeming time.

Similarly, our kids need unscheduled time. Not only do they need unhurried downtime and rest to help alleviate undue anxiety and pressure, but those fringe moments are often when the best organic conversations take place.

Family Time

I used to be surprised when teen counselees told me they never eat dinner together as a family. Sadly, I’m more surprised now when I hear of families who do regularly eat together. While certainly there are other ways to spend time together, as much as you can, preserve the practice of family dinner. Over three decades of research shows that regular family meals together have physical, social-emotional, and academic benefits. It provides the opportunity for undivided attention and intentional conversation that help family members feel heard and known. But don’t stop there. Families sharing fun times together also helps strengthen relationships, grows confidence, and provides a sense of safety and stability.

Sibling Bonding

Also important for relationship building is instilling sibling bonding times. Sometimes this may require not always saying yes to invitations one of your kids receives. For instance, when mine were younger we made Sunday afternoons a time for my children to play with just each other. We choose this route because much of the rest of the week our kids went their separate ways, and it was important to carve out time for them to be with each other. As they got older, their time together evolved, and they took ownership of it. Now they have their own group text, and I’m always delighted to hear of their connecting.

Values-based Activities

Frequently, we gathered people in our home—both friend and newcomers—with our kids with us. Not only did this connect to the value we saw in intergenerational relationships and developing their confidence in conversing with adults, but our children developed a mindset for hospitality. Now we see our daughter and her husband in their little apartment give of their limited time and resources to welcome people to their table. Our college son loves to throw meat on his smoker and invite people over. And each of them sought out relationships with older men and women in their church homes.

God’s Word and His People

I saved the most vital for last. Pew Research shows our faith to be the single strongest predictor of a child’s faith over their life course. In other words, what we treasure trickles down. This means our kids need to witness us living out the reality of the gospel in our lives and prioritizing God’s Word and His people, which includes church attendance and involvement. But they also need to hear from us about Jesus in regular, everyday conversations. Unfortunately, we won’t naturally talk about the things of God if they are not preeminent in our own heart and lives. We cannot pour out of an empty cup. So, connecting back to the points above, creating margin and implementing our values, abiding in God’s Word and participating in the church (which God ordained as home for His children), is essential both to our growth and the growth of our children in the faith.

May these serve as a helpful guide, as you seek to elevate the things of God and redeem your time this school year, for the good of your children and family to God’s glory.

Photo by Benjamin Manley on Unsplash