parenting

Raising Children in a Success Obsessed World

High school graduation is a wonderful high point in a teen’s life. Even after 22 years of teaching, I am always amazed at the transformation four years brings in the life of my students. But this year, as I watched them cross that stage, I was both impressed and bothered. Looking for Success in all the Wrong Places After the valedictorians gave their speeches, and those who were given the highest awards were announced, the students were then announced in this manner, “Sally Johnson, graduating with high honors. Graduating with honors, Joseph Brown….” As I listened to their familiar names, I started to question how we as a culture measure success. According to this ceremony, success is based on grades and advanced classes. But what of that student who is the first to graduate in his family? The one who persevered despite homelessness, lack of home support, substance abuse, financial strain, or family obligations? What about those who overcame obstacles of disabilities, whether it be physical, mental, or academic? Indeed, our culture’s definition of success seems narrow and is far different from how the Bible views success. Our culture pursues being the best. And parents ready their children to be the best at a young age. Children attend expensive preschools to prepare them for the highest rated elementary schools. They often participate in multiple extra-curricular activities a week, attend exclusive camps, have specialized tutors—all to rise above the rest and be considered “a success.” The rise of social media only fuels this drive for success as parents share all their children’s accomplishments online for the all world to see. Success in the Bible But despite this “look-at-me” world, God has a different view of success. In 1 Samuel, God sends Samuel to anoint Israel’s next king. He tells Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance . . For the Lord sees not as a man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7)...

Raising Children in a Success Obsessed WorldChristina Fox2022-05-05T00:25:24+00:00

On Father’s Day and Making Crumbs

“Dee-lightful,” he exclaims in his best Julia Child impression. “Simply delightful! Now, see if you can make it even messier.” It’s my husband, David, currently swathed in a makeshift apron of discarded curtain fabric the girls have tied over his work clothes—slightly too tight and definitely too short. “More crumbs! Let’s make more crumbs! Your mother will be so pleased!” he shouts to his very charmed and giggly audience. “More mess! More mess!” (Thank goodness they’re only pretending…it was just Mother’s Day, after all.) Making crumbs is just one of the games David has invented with our girls, but it’s at the top of my favorites. Ever a sucker for a great analogy, this one doesn’t disappoint. David and the bitties can pretend all they want that they are “trashing mama’s kitchen” out of its reasonably clean state (it is still quarantine, after all…) but I see the reality. The crumbs aren’t imaginary. They are very, very real and very, very delicious. David leaves crumbs of godliness, and his girls and I snack them right on up. Sure, it seems an appropriate time to spout some kind words about my husband (it is almost Father’s Day, after all…) but truth is these words aren’t ultimately about David, but rather about the God he loves and serves—the God that has made my husband into the man he is and is transforming him into Christlikeness more and more, day by day. For David uniquely reveals and represents Jesus in such a way that I hope anyone finding themselves three hundred words into this article alongside me today might be spurred as I am. Like me, I hope you will be spurred toward humility and kindness all because of the ways David reflects Jesus....

On Father’s Day and Making CrumbsChristina Fox2022-05-05T00:36:38+00:00

Encouragement and Prayers for the Graduates in Your Life

For many of our youngsters this graduation season, masks and sanitizer are replacing caps and gowns; e-certificates will arrive online instead of sheepskin diplomas. This cohort of youth make up the “coronials,” who are stepping forth into a future that seems even more uncertain than in other years. How to walk with them as they pass this unique milestone? Here are some suggestions, with prayers to offer on behalf of our children, nieces and nephews, students or others who are graduating from high school or college. 1. Honor their work, not their honors. Without the trappings of prom, commencement, and senior hoopla, some kids will feel deprived. Some were preparing for final performances, tournaments, recitals, capstone projects, or internships that have evaporated. Maybe there will be a belated official celebration rather than one in May, but it probably won’t feel like what was once anticipated. They may be questioning the relevance of their achievements to this new landscape. Commend them on the discipline and skills they developed, which in God’s timing will benefit them beyond the short-term goal they were focused on. Studies have shown that praise is more encouraging when it is accompanied by a touch, and when it is specific—so (if you are in their household), give them a pat on the back for the laborious research they did on their term paper, or how they didn’t give up on basketball in sophomore year. That will be more effective than generalities like, “You always do whatever you set your mind to,” or “You’re so smart; you’ll be fine.” Of course, a special home-centered celebration may be more important than in other years. Solicit e-congratulations from relatives, your pastor, even your mayor and Congress member. Or how about decorating the family car with congratulatory washable graffiti, or making a scrapbook of school memorabilia? Maybe planting a tree in honor of the graduate would be meaningful for him or her. Lord of all times and seasons, please establish the works of these youngsters’ hands. Use this unexpected time to bring forth more creativity and resilience in their character. Holy Spirit, you so often bring joy and unity: help me to honor our graduates in memorable ways....

Encouragement and Prayers for the Graduates in Your LifeChristina Fox2022-05-05T00:47:35+00:00

The Good Shepherd’s Pasture

In 2011, our family moved to another state so that my husband, Andrew, could pioneer a new ministry on a college campus. Though unplanned, this change in address also brought a change in our denomination. On one of our first Sunday mornings in our new town, we sat down in the pews of First Presbyterian Church, and I gave my husband’s hand a squeeze. He nodded knowingly in agreement. This was going to be our home. Except one (big) problem for these two Southern Baptists: What to do about infant baptism? I loved the liturgy, agreed with the theology, but I had some problems with the sprinkling of those babies. Did the parents presume these were saving waters? Did they think this was their child’s ticket to salvation to be cashed in at confirmation class? Was it all just a stuffy tradition? Very slowly, I began to intellectually understand why one would choose to baptize their children. I understood the concept of the visible church (church membership) and the invisible church (redeemed hearts). I could make the links between circumcision in the Old Testament with baptism in the New, and I could see how baptism was now a marker showing who belonged to this visible church. I saw no interruptions in Scripture, where families were traditionally dealt with as households. And this made sense to me—that because my children lived in a household of faith, they were set apart in some way. Baptism was a sign to the world and to our children that they were a significant part of the church; they belonged there. But then there was a moment when all of this clicked in my gut, which was a different sort of understanding. A pastor said something to me that changed my whole perspective on my children’s place in the church. He said that one of the best things that we can do for our children is this: Make sure they don’t feel as though we are pushing them outside the gates of the church, and then asking them to find their way back in. They should hear the gospel with clarity, while experiencing the safety of a covenant community. That image of my children being welcomed into the gates of the church settled my heart and gave me a new picture to understand what it meant for them to be in a covenant family...

The Good Shepherd’s PastureChristina Fox2022-05-07T22:34:38+00:00

Building Little Pillars in the Faith

k in the day when my pigtails were tied with ribbons, when my knees were constantly brandishing scrapes and scabs, and when (according to my children) dinosaurs frolicked with my pet saber-toothed tiger in the backyard, I discovered the most remarkable toy. Winter in South Florida ushers in an opportunity for its sweaty residents to throw open windows and suck coolish air into their lungs. Part of our family’s celebration of this temporary break from the heat was hauling out a big box fan. This box fan would be strategically placed so that the delicious fresh air would be pushed down the hall into the bedrooms. This seasonal item became a wonderful addition to my creative play. The box fan made a wonderful mountain for plastic army men to wage intense battles. Those little green soldiers could survey the land for miles from that height. With the fan running, all sorts of silly voice effects could be made by speaking or singing into the whirling blades. I learned how to speak robot while hanging out with that box fan. But best of all, that box fan helped me FLY! Like most preschoolers, a blanket fastened around my neck was enough to transform me into the bravest, most powerful hero the planet had ever seen. I could lift heavy objects. I could jump great distances. I could climb higher. I could move faster. Additionally, when I fastened that magic cape around my neck and lay on my belly in front of that box fan, all I had to do was stretch out my arms to feel the wind in my hair as I soared through the cosmos. Exhilarating! Shaping Little Children I was not unique as a little one. I’m sure you have witnessed the change that occurs when preschoolers put on superhero capes or masks. You’ve watched them stand up a little taller, march a little braver, and smile a little broader. Inside each person is a desire to be strong, significant, and courageous. The greatest joy I have as a teacher is being a part of shaping children into the next generation of heroes. Someday these young ones will be future leaders, policy makers, doctors, inventors, soldiers, parents, and business owners. Will they attack life with boisterous passion and heart for the Gospel?

Building Little Pillars in the FaithChristina Fox2022-05-07T23:02:39+00:00

A Prayer for Back to School

It’s that time of year again. Yellow buses practice their circuitous routes, stores brim with school supplies, and teachers adorn their rooms with inviting bulletin boards and welcoming smiles. Back to school is officially upon us. I ended the summer reading through the Psalms and Proverbs. As I drank in the wisdom of these two books, certain passages in particular have encouraged and directed my hopes for my children as they head back to school. These verses have shaped my prayers and given words to the longings of my heart. As my children spend less time in my presence, I am thankful that I can bring all my concerns and cares before the Lord in prayer. Lord, I pray that my children would understand their need for Jesus and rejoice in the good news of the Gospel. Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Our God is a God of salvation, and to GOD, the Lord, belong deliverances from death (Psalms 68:19-20). Lord, I pray that my children will love learning; that their hearts would seek to understand the world you have created. The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly (Proverbs 15:14).

A Prayer for Back to SchoolChristina Fox2022-05-07T23:19:34+00:00

Sheltering vs. Equipping and the Purpose of Motherhood

As loud and crazy as my house gets with five little boys, I don’t relish the day they will leave. Sometimes I cuddle the baby and whisper, “You can stay with me forever.” If my husband overhears me, he says, “Oh, no he can’t!” So I whisper to the baby that I will make him a special room in the basement. But I know in my heart that I am not raising them to live in the basement. I am raising them to be independent, godly leaders of their own homes, churches, and communities. My only reservation is...the basement seems so much safer. How can I keep them safe and prepare them to leave the nest at the same time? The False Security of Sheltering I have a couple of readers in the house now. My oldest two sons will grab anything with words on it and read it to me. Recently they’ve been reaching for the newspaper. But I was quickly reminded that the newspaper isn’t rated “G.” The same page with an educational article about the economy had articles about a public official’s affair and a sex-trafficking bust. Time to put the paper away for a little longer.When I see a newspaper page like that in the hands of my sweet young son I get angry. I feel like my kids don’t deserve to grow up in such an evil world. I want to protect them from everything “out there.”But the Bible says sin doesn’t come from “out there.” Sin comes from within. “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander” (Matt. 15:19). Not from the newspaper. Not from the politicians. Not from the internet. Sin comes from the heart. “Sheltering” gives us a false sense of security when we take comfort in shutting out the world. We fall for the lie that if we make enough rules and create a completely controlled environment, our kids will be safe. But there is a better way to shelter our kids. Instead of using sheltering to smother and control, we can use sheltering to prepare and equip.

Sheltering vs. Equipping and the Purpose of MotherhoodChristina Fox2022-05-07T23:23:22+00:00

Parenting in a Culture of Relative Truth

"Absolute Truth. Absolute Truth. Everything in the Bible is the Absolute Truth." I can still hear my daughter singing this chant she learned in her two-year-old Sunday school class. My husband and I had her sing it over and over again because of how adorably expressive she was—her clapping hand motions were as loud as she sang. By God’s grace, almost twenty years later, the words of this song are settled deep into her heart. She knows the absolute truth of His Word, trusts in His righteousness for her, and now with a voice that moves me to tears, sings of His truths each week at her campus’ RUF gathering. But in holding firm to the Truth about Jesus, she increasingly finds herself at the crossroads of our rapidly changing culture and the Word of God. As do we all. Our culture today is very different than it was when I began parenting, and certainly from the world in which I grew up.Truth today is not absolute, and the Bible is not seen as authoritative. Instead, pop culture tells us to do "whatever makes you happy" and "you do you." Even Christians have bought into this mindset, sometimes without even realizing it. But the less we hear the true gospel and spend time in God’s Word, the more susceptible we become to subtle twists to the truth.

Parenting in a Culture of Relative TruthChristina Fox2026-04-03T15:47:46+00:00

Helicopter Parents: Don’t Fly Away!

Every time I scroll through my social media account, I see some type of warning about being a helicopter parent. They say kids these days are too sheltered and are suffering from our fear-laden over-protection. I know that I’m not supposed to obsess over my child’s life. I’m not supposed to solve his problems for him, perfect his resume, or rescue him from natural consequences, but I’m wondering, am I a helicopter parent? Are you? And if we are, what should we do instead? I’m concerned that as a society we’ll panic and swing the pendulum in the opposite direction. In an effort to avoid over-scheduling, over-indulging, and over-controlling our children’s lives, we’ll simply steer our helicopters away, erring on the side of neglect. In 20 years, we’ll discover that our children have grown up without the much-needed presence, wisdom, affection, and support of their parents. Parents will simply “helicopter” somewhere else, obsessing over careers, self-image, health, pets, or whatever. Simply “flying away” is not the solution.

Helicopter Parents: Don’t Fly Away!Christina Fox2022-05-07T23:32:53+00:00

Good News for the Underqualified Mom

My first job out of college was at a domestic violence shelter.I was twenty-one years old, newly married, and the ink on my college diploma had barely dried when I took the job as a counselor for women who were caught in violent relationships. Though I had the heart and desire to help these women, I was sorely prepared. Though I had learned a lot about the helping field in college, I had little experience.I was underqualified. I knew it and the women I helped knew it.Fast forward a number of years later when I was expecting my first child. I had read dozens of parenting books. I had taught parenting classes as part of my counseling work. I had talked to every mom-friend I knew to get their advice on various aspects of motherhood. But when I held my newborn son in my arms, I knew it. I think he knew it too.I was underqualified. Incapable. Insufficient.Underqualified MomI’ve always been an independent sort. When I have a goal, I work hard and pursue it. I may seek advice or assistance along the way, but ultimately, I know if I want to get to where I’m headed, I have to do the work that’s required. I faced motherhood the same way. I’m not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person; I like to be prepared. So I bought all the books, studied all the methods, and read all the research.I applied myself to motherhood the same way I did a project or paper in college. I put everything into it the way I did my work. But unlike other things in life, motherhood did not fit so neatly into a box. My children did not always conform to what the books said. The methods often failed. The research often turned out meaningless.As a result, I was humbled. Like the stretch marks forever etched in my skin, motherhood stretched me beyond what I was capable of within myself. I learned that I was weak and insufficient and couldn’t rely on my own resources or strength. I had to face the truth that I couldn’t depend on my own wisdom. I couldn’t find help and hope in methods. I couldn’t make life work for me.If there’s one thing motherhood has taught me, it’s that I can’t do it on my own. I need help from outside myself. I need Jesus.

Good News for the Underqualified MomChristina Fox2022-05-07T23:36:08+00:00