ELLEN DYKAS | CONTRIBUTOR
I died again this week. I walked through the gospel truth that, “We who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.” (2 Cor. 4:11–12). Yet, death never has the last word for the believer! Mysteriously and beautifully, the deaths and resurrections we experience day after day manifest the reality of our risen Savior’s presence in our lives (2 Cor. 4:7–10).
A friend and I had unspoken expectations, stressors which were unknown to the other, and a common enemy eager to accuse, divide, and distract. These realities co-mingled until we mutually felt hurt, disappointed, and a little bit defensive. Guarded and frustrated (me), disheartened and unsettled (her), we managed our way through lunch with others present, hugged, said goodbye, and that was it.
Except it wasn’t. I stewed, mused on the offense, couldn’t shake the distressing feelings which emerge when relationships go south. Thoughts tumbled in my mind and I rehearsed what happened, rehearsing how I felt wronged.
After fitful sleep, unsettledness in my own heart, and knowing I needed to seek peace, I reached out. A redemptive conversation followed the next day, thankfully after I had died again to “Ellen’s Life,” was rescued and brought back to believing what is true: I live IN Christ, not in myself (and all my desires, defenses, self-protection, etc.).
Yielding to the Lord is the answer when He leads us down and through His appointed graves for our fleshly desires, so that His life will freely flood our hearts, splashing on others. This process[1], which Paul was passionate about, is what allows us to experience trials and heartache yet not be, “crushed…driven to despair…forsaken…destroyed” (2 Cor. 4:8–9).
How to die and live in Jesus
Life affords many opportunities to practice dying to self so that the treasure of Jesus is made known to others. When relationships are tough, ministry seems unfruitful, life is disappointing, bodies are sick, tired, and weakening, people don’t show up, or losses pile up, here’s how you can die and live in Christ.
Cry out to God more than musing in your head. God broke through my inner turmoil when I finally stopped my private musing (which He heard) and cried out for help to understand what was going on. In other words, I prayed rather than thinking to myself. He answered with comfort, correction, and waking me up to realize the devil’s schemes, which had threatened me with accusations. Our Father loves to rescue us when we’re spiraling and drowning in ourselves.
Refuse to respond impulsively. A consistent prayer need I have is that I’ll be slow to text and quick to listen, patiently holding a hurt, pain, or whatever with the Lord before reaching out to someone when there’s hurt between us.
Ask, “Lord what needs to die right now?” So sweetly, the Spirit met me in my tears, having corrected me for the ‘atheistic’ internal musing, and softened my heart to listen to him. He reminded me of the cadence of the Christian life which moves through Good Friday into Holy Saturday, and on into Resurrection. It didn’t take long for a list of things to come to mind such as demanding to be known, jealousy and envy, and being right. I was needy and disheartened, yet the Spirit enabled me to bring it all to our high priest, and I received grace and mercy. Peace. Rest. A quieter heart.
Ask, “Lord, what aspects of Christ’s life are you wanting to grow in me?” God wanted to grow humility, closeness with Him, and contentment in Jesus through this experience, as well as deepening my love for others. It was a gift to sense His loving care for me, that then splashed out over my friend when we talked it out and reaffirmed our love for each other.
Receive Jesus’ help so you don’t lose heart. I’ll go through this process again soon, and you most likely will too! One of the best things a counselor ever told me was that certain struggles will continue in this life. That’s an expectation we should have. Yet as we look to Jesus, remembering our participation in His sufferings and resurrection, it keeps our hearts steady, stable, and unshifting from the hope of the gospel.
Don’t lose heart, my friend, it won’t always be this way! Our dying “achieves glory…we may never see, on this side of eternity, the life-giving fruit produced by our heartache, but there will come a day when we not only see but also share in the glory of Christ.”[2]
[1] Paul Miller’s book, The J-Curve: Dying and Rising in Everyday Life, is a wonderful book which explains how our union with Christ bears out in daily living.
[2] Paula Miles, Confident and Compelled: A Study on 2 Corinthians, (Lawrenceville GA: PCA Discipleship Ministries, 2026), 81.
Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash
