LISA UPDIKE | GUEST

Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven, a blessed ebb and flow of challenge and loss, peace and rest. Joy and sadness. Births and deaths. Serving and receiving. And though we intellectually understand that we will have trouble in life, it still can catch us off guard. When the time of trouble persists, we cry out like the psalmist did, “How long, Lord?” We wonder, “Does the Lord even see me?” If we are in a particularly long, hard season we may wonder why the Lord is richly blessing others and not us. Well, at least that’s what I do. My guess is that I am not alone.

For the past several years my life has been really hard, sometimes heartbreakingly so. Two of my children are going through some painful circumstances causing distance between us. My heart aches over our difficult relationship. In another sphere of life, my mother is aging and often in pain. She is lonely for my dad whom she lost five years ago to Alzheimer’s. It’s so painful to see her suffer, though she does so with grace. On top of these things, this past fall we were blindsided with grief when my husband’s youngest brother took his life. We had no warning. So. Much. Grief. And I hate to say it, but there is a lot more to this list. I’m telling you; my husband and I have been hurting. A lot.

Still, we were hanging in there. We were growing and learning to cling to Jesus. But then there was just one more tragedy and it tipped the balance. It seemed more than we could bear. Was God actually kicking me when I was already down? I knew better, but at 4:30am when the phone rang, I knew it couldn’t be good news. My heart sank as I reached for the phone. The vet told me she was so sorry, but our dog had passed. You see, she had been rushed to the emergency vet the night before. We thought she was going to recover, but just like that, she was gone. My husband and I held each other and cried. This just seemed like too much. In our sadness, she had been such a comfort. Now she was gone. Hadn’t we had enough grief? Why this too?

As I lay in bed crying out to the Lord, a Scripture floated over and over through my head. It didn’t seem to match my circumstances, but there it was, repeating in my brain. “Rejoice with those who rejoice.”

Now, I had learned to do that quite well over the years. I started to think of the many times I had rejoiced with my friends who became pregnant, even as we were experiencing infertility. I thought of how glad I had been for my friends when we were struggling financially, and they were purchasing their new homes.  And how glad I am that many of my dear friends have children following Jesus, though my own are still far from Him. More recently, a dear friend’s son had entered rehab, something I wished one of my own would do. And you know what? I rejoice with them. Really and truly rejoice!

As I lay in bed, grieving the loss of our dog, all the grief of all the things over the past several months became rolled up in that grief. But the strangest thing happened. I began to praise God for the good things he had given to my friends. Their joy was my own. I thought how kind the Lord is to give us a verse telling us to, “Rejoice with those who rejoice.” If He had not instructed me to rejoice with others, I would miss out on so much joy. Instead, I could see through the years how choosing to rejoice had protected my heart from comparison and bitterness. I wasn’t missing out, because I was entering in. She’s having twins?! Yipee! Your child got a scholarship…well, thanks be to God! Yes! I want to see your bathroom renovation; it’s gorgeous!  He got that raise? Well then, let’s whoop it up! Marriages restored? Praise God for His faithfulness!

I became mindful of the ways others had celebrated with me over the years. Yes, there had been lots of suffering, but much goodness too. I thought of meals when we adopted our children and the help with moving when God provided a larger house. In those early morning hours I lay in bed, my mind sorting through the many emotions. I know that life is full of grief in this fallen world, but there is much to rejoice over, especially when we rejoice with those who rejoice. It gives us more opportunity for gladness. The Lord has instructed me to rejoice because on my own, I am prone to selfishness. But you know what? It’s hard to be selfish when we are rejoicing with others.

Tears were still rolling down my face as I stared at the dark ceiling, processing, thinking, praising, weeping. Finally, that second part of the verse began to play through my mind. I’m sure you know the rest of that verse: “weep with those who weep.”

“Oh, Lord,” I sighed, “You have told me to rejoice with those who rejoice so that I don’t become embittered or miss out on tasting of your goodness. But you have done much more! You have also told my friends to weep with me so that I might not be alone.”

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

Yes, there is a season for everything and in both the rejoicing and weeping we are not alone. Not alone. What comfort!

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