ELIZABETH TURNAGE | CONTRIBUTOR

Imagine this story: A woman’s husband and her son are killed in a car-jacking. After her husband’s death, the 75-year-old widow discovers that he had mortgaged all of their assets to invest in a real estate deal gone sour. Once the wife of a wealthy lawyer, the older woman now finds herself homeless and bankrupt. Her only option is to return to the small hometown and the childhood home she had sworn never to revisit. Despite her protests, her son’s fiancée insists on joining her in the move.

If this synopsis sounds familiar, it’s because it’s the plot of Tyler Perry’s movie Ruth, which is based on the book of Ruth. Naomi, the main character, like the biblical character, is an older woman whose heart has become bitter through grief. She resents God and the community who tries to show her His love.

When Grief Embitters

The biblical Naomi, like many aging women, has suffered multiple losses over the course of her life—the death of her husband and both her sons, the loss of both her homeland and her adopted home, the loss of financial provision and security. When she is forced to return to the home she left years ago, she laments to the women who welcome her, “Do not call me Naomi (pleasant); call me Mara (bitter), for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me” (Ruth 1:20). Naomi sees the Lord’s sovereign hand in all her losses—family, financial, and home, and is not afraid to name them honestly to God in lament.

Many older women can relate to Naomi. As we age, we face a barrage of limitations and losses—the death of a husband or child, the loss of independence that comes with declining vision or mobility, the loss of community when we must move from the home we’ve owned for almost half a century. Add to that the seeming loss of purpose and meaning that came from vibrant work and ministry, and it’s not hard to see why older women might feel that the Lord has dealt bitterly with them.

A Crucial Choice

In such seasons of loss, older women (and women of all ages) face a crucial choice: to turn inward in bitterness or upward toward the kindness of God, the kindness which softens sorrow and rekindles gratitude.

Though Naomi claims the Lord has dealt bitterly with her, we see signs that her heart is not completely shut off to God’s kindness. Even as she attempts to leave Orpah and Ruth in Moab, she blesses them, “May the Lord deal kindly with you….” (Ruth 1:8). In this blessing she shows gratitude for their loyalty to her. Later, though she claims the Lord has dealt bitterly with her and brought her back empty (Ruth 1:21), she blesses Boaz for his kindness to Ruth, “May he be blessed by the Lord, whose kindness has not forsaken the living and the dead!” (Ruth 2:20).

As Naomi’s heart gradually shifts toward gratitude, hope is rekindled. Remembering redemption: “The man…is one of our redeemers” (Ruth 2:20b), Naomi hatches a plan. While her methods brim with ambiguity,[i] her motive seems to be kind—to provide “rest,” that is, marriage, family, and redemption for her daughter-in-law (See Ruth 3:1). Naomi’s plan, or more accurately—God’s sovereign plan—works. Boaz and Ruth marry, and they give birth to a son, Obed, the grandfather of David.

The story of redemption concludes with the women in Naomi’s community speaking words of gratitude on her behalf: “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer…” (Ruth 3:14). While Naomi does not speak words of gratitude, she demonstrates her restored pleasure as she lays the baby on her lap, the same lap that had once held her infant sons. Naomi, whose heart was empty, is now full (See Ruth 3:16). Naomi, who lost so much, has been given a “restorer of life and a nourisher of old age” (Ruth 4:15). She is reconnected to community, to future generations, and most importantly of all, to the Lord, for indeed, this grandchild of hers will be the ancestor of her Redeemer, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Gratitude for God’s Grace

Naomi shows rather than speaks her renewed gratitude for God’s kindness. There is no doubt that she has been transformed from a woman bitter in grief over her many losses to a woman grateful for redemption. Her life offers us a lesson as we age. Even in the suffering that comes with old age, even as we grieve, we must pray to keep our hearts open to the Lord’s kindness, to the ways He continues to redeem and restore.

To keep our hearts open to gratitude does not mean we will “get over” the grief of losing people and places dear to us. It simply means that we will grieve with hope (see 1 Thess. 4:13-14). Gratitude doesn’t cancel grief—it coexists with it, transforming sorrow into worship. As a woman grieves the loss of a dear husband, she thanks God for His kindness in giving her fifty years of sweet companionship. As a woman resists a move to be closer to adult children, she thanks God for His kindness in giving her children who wish to care for her. As a woman mourns the loss of her favorite sweet pastries after a diagnosis of pre-diabetes, she thanks God for His kindness in creating tasty fruits to enjoy instead.

Until we reach our home in heaven or Jesus returns to establish the new heavens and new earth, we will, like Naomi, endure bitter losses. But because of the Lord’s kindness to us, we need never despair. Redemption and restoration have already come in our lives, granting us enough grace to fuel our gratitude today and tomorrow.

Because of Jesus, the Redeemer born through the line of Naomi’s grandson, we can trust that every loss will one day be restored. Our Redeemer lives—and because He lives, our gratitude will one day overflow unshadowed by grief. For now, we open our mouths like baby birds, waiting to be filled with more of the Lord’s provision. And as He does fill us, our hearts overflow in songs of gratitude that rise toward the heavens.

[i] For more on this ambiguity, see Iaian M. Duguid, Esther and Ruth in (Reformed Expository Commentary; Phillipsburg, NJ: P & R Publishing, 2005), 171.

Photo by Ch Photography on Unsplash