KATIE POLSKI | CONTRIBUTOR
I was twenty-three years old, had a two-year-old and a two-month-old, and my husband had just started a new position as a senior pastor at a church where I knew no one. Just weeks into our new calling, I snuck away for a few minutes of quiet while the kids played in my husband’s new office. Sitting in the pew of the quiet sanctuary, I took in my surroundings, reflecting on the weight and wonder of this new calling as “pastor’s wife.”
Fast forward nearly twenty-five years, when I found myself in a time of similar contemplation. Sitting in the pew of our church, the surroundings had changed—we were at a different church, and I was in a new life stage—but the emotions of carrying the title of “pastor’s wife” were as familiar and raw as they were so many years ago.
Whether you’re serving in a church you’ve known your whole life or one that’s completely new; whether ministry is part of your family’s legacy or something you’re the first to step into; or whether your congregation is overflowing with people or faithfully pressing on in small numbers—the role of pastor’s wife carries a common thread. In all these varied settings and differing seasons, every pastor’s wife can be encouraged by the same thing: Jesus’ kindness in the calling.
The Hidden Burden and the Beautiful Calling
In my own life, the burdens haven’t changed much through the years. Early in our ministry, I accompanied my husband to the home of grieving parents who had lost their child. As the mother practically collapsed in my arms, I had the thought, “Why am I here?” It felt almost intrusive to step into such tender grief when I barely knew the family. And yet, she wept in my arms.
Why am I here? Why am I sitting in a room for a memorial service in memory of a mother I did not know. Why am I invited to a wedding of a couple I only met once? Why am I here, bearing the weight from a difficult session meeting?
Why? Because we’re in a unique calling of walking closely in the ministry, often without an official role. There is emotional complexity in this – no doubt, the joys and burdens intermingle with a front row seat to so much of life. And there is cost in the proximity to church wounds.
And yet, Sister, we cannot lose sight of the beauty of this partnership. You may have an entirely separate career, or you may be busy at home with little kids, but no matter what your personal calling, it’s a privilege to also be in ministry partnership with your husband and alongside your church family.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why am I here?” know that the Lord sees that very question, and He honors your presence and partnership. In God’s kindness, He sees the quiet prayers, the unnoticed tears, the casseroles delivered, the children wrangled during late-night visits, and the weddings and funerals attended out of love, not obligation. He knows the unseen labor you offer physically and emotionally in service to Him and to His people. He sees you and He knows your needs.
You are held in the heart of the God who has called you, and His calling – though sometimes costly – is always filled with eternal purpose and lasting beauty.
The Quiet Struggles and God’s Unmistakable Love
The struggles haven’t changed much through the years either. Surrounded by people, it can be a lonely calling. The sideways glances create a great temptation toward comparison. Bitterness seeps in when our personal busyness is compounded with ministry responsibilities that seem, inevitably, to infringe on daily life. And the pressure to perform sometimes grips unrelentingly.
And yet, Sister, we are anchored when we refocus on the gospel and on our identity as child of God. You are not the church’s accessory, nor are you asked by Jesus to have it all together when you answer this call. Faithfulness can triumph against the battle in these heart-level temptations when we prioritize sincere worship over watchfulness and presence over perfection.
Even Jesus needed to refocus during His earthly ministry and would withdraw to quiet places to pray (Lk. 15:16). Jesus will help you refocus—to push aside the emotional temptations that entangle and to rest in Him. And often, He does this through His body. The struggles are diminished by a hug from a knowing friend, a note from a grateful congregant, or a word of encouragement from someone in leadership. You are not alone in your struggles as a pastor’s wife.
You are held in the heart of God who has called you, and His calling—though at times wrought with challenges—is marked by His unrelenting love for you, His child.
The Strength and Steadfastness that Builds the Church
The significance of Christ’s church hasn’t changed through the years. Jesus loves His church so much that He gave His life for her. And we, alongside our brothers and sisters in Christ, have the privilege of supporting and serving His Bride.
Your presence matters, your partnership is invaluable, your prayers are powerful, and your faithfulness is formative. There is nothing you do in serving Jesus that is a waste of time or effort (1 Cor.15:58), no matter how small the service might seem.
Dear Sister, whether you’re weary or thriving, hidden or seen, seasoned or just starting in ministry, take heart. This calling may be layered with unspoken burdens and quiet battles, but it is also laced with the unmatched kindness of Jesus.
You’re not simply watching ministry from the pew; you are woven into it. In your steadfastness, in your unseen sacrifices, and in your prayers for strength and unity, you are helping to nurture and build the church Christ loves. The One who calls you is faithful, and He delights in using you, His beloved daughter, as you live out your calling as pastor’s wife.
Photo by Mitchell Leach on Unsplash
