LYDIA PINONTOAN | GUEST

We sat in the back corner of a hotel ballroom with our 11-month-old daughter, armed with toys and snacks and books. We had travelled as a family from our home in the Middle East to Istanbul, Türkiye to witness some of our favorite authors and preachers mine the theological depths of the Nicene Creed. Some might call us crazy to attempt a theological conference with a baby. They may be right. But it’s rare that this lineup of speakers comes to our part of the world, so we thought we’d give it a shot.

The conference started, Dr. Albert Mohler took the podium, and our daughter started to fuss.

Quickly I tried all I knew to make her happy, to no avail. I gathered our things, scooped her up, and made for the closest door. For the next 30 minutes or so I played the how-much-can-I-hear-from-the-hallway game and tried my hardest to not feel disappointed that I was missing out on what we had travelled so far to experience.

I hopped in and out of the ballroom, trying to entertain my daughter and catch snippets of the opening sermon when suddenly I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. As I turned, my gaze met that of a woman with a smile as warm as her touch.

“Please come into the main room,” she said. “Your baby’s noises aren’t bothering anyone, and we want you to hear the sermon. You’re doing a great job and we’re so glad you and your baby are here.”

I felt the sting of grateful tears as I thanked her and made my way back into the ballroom. We found a spot on the floor in the back corner where my daughter could crawl around and play, and I got to partake of the theological feast that was set before us.

Jesus Welcomes Mothers Too

In Mark 10, during the height of Jesus’ earthly ministry, we read of parents who sought to bring their children to receive His blessing. The disciples, however, had different priorities for their master. They tried to turn these families away, perhaps in an effort to protect their Lord from the inconvenience and mess that usually come with the littlest of God’s image bearers. But Jesus rebuked the disciples. Mark uses the word indignant to describe Jesus, which is one of the strongest descriptions of anger used in the New Testament. Jesus wasn’t just annoyed. He was incensed. Angry. Fuming.

In this righteous anger, Jesus rebuked the disciples saying, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”

I remember hearing this story as a child and feeling so pleased that Jesus wanted me, a little child, to come to Him. Now, I hear this story as a mother, and it takes on a whole different meaning. I imagine not only children coming to Jesus, but the mothers coming too. Jesus kneels to receive the children and the mothers stand close by, grateful tears stinging their eyes as both they and their children have a personal encounter with Emmanuel, God with us.

As the children are invited to the presence of the God-man, the mothers are welcomed in too. They don’t need to find childcare to hear Jesus teach. They don’t need to send their noisy kids away to receive a blessing from their Maker. Mothers, fathers, and children are welcomed into the presence of God – together.

Welcoming the Whole Family in Worship

It’s this scene that motivates my husband and I as we have made the decision to keep our daughter (and any other future children) with us during church as much as we are able. So, we’re well acquainted with the challenges of trying to keep her seated when all she wants to do is crawl. And I am very familiar with the rules to the how-much-can-I-hear-from-the-hallway game.

For us, it’s worth a few years of half-heard sermons for our kids to grow up immersed in the rhythms of grace from their youngest years, witnessing their mom and dad worshipping and praying and sitting under the preaching of God’s Word alongside the rest of their church family. It’s valuable for our kids, but also for us to be reminded that the weekly gathering isn’t about us. It’s not so that I can reestablish a spiritual high from which to launch into the coming week. We go to church to serve and to be served. In this season, much of that service is to our daughter. We go to church to worship and to sit under the preaching of the Word. We can do both of those things with a squirmy child.

I recognize this isn’t the only right way to raise a family in church. In our particular church setting, it definitely is not the most common way. But we are so appreciative of those, like the kind woman at the theology conference, who have supported and encouraged us in our efforts.

If you’re a church member or leader who desires to welcome families to partake of the means of grace together, here are a few things that have made a difference for us.

Say it from the front

When we hear someone from the pulpit welcome kids or acknowledge their presence in a positive way, it goes a long way to put us at ease. This could be during announcements or the call to worship; we’ve even heard sermons where the pastor has included specific applications for kids or set aside time during his message to tell the kids a cool fact or helpful illustration. Hearing a church leader acknowledge the presence of the youngest members of the congregation allows parents to breathe a little easier the next time their child makes some noise or spills their crackers. It helps us feel like we belong—as whole families, not just well-behaved adults.

Provide space

One of the practical things that made it possible for our family to participate in the theology conference was a large meeting space with lots of room in the back for my daughter to crawl and play on the floor. It was big enough, too, that her noises weren’t noticeable or distracting to other attendees. I recognize that this isn’t possible in every church or meeting space, but often, if one row of chairs could be removed in a back corner of the sanctuary, it could provide enough space for the little ones to crawl and play on the floor. It might take a shift in the congregation’s expectations if they’re used to the sanctuary being a quiet, kid-free zone. And it would likely require some up-front communication to parents regarding just how much noise is acceptable. (I’m not advocating a free-for-all; there is absolutely a time when parents should step out of the service with their children if things are getting out of hand). But providing a physical space for children to play during a church service could be all that’s needed to welcome families to partake of the means of grace together.

Let them listen

If a parent does need to spend some time outside the sanctuary with their child, it is so meaningful to have a space where the sermon can still be heard. Whether this means leaving the sanctuary doors open, adding speakers in the foyer, or providing a separate room where the sermon is livestreamed, I have greatly appreciated having the ability to partake in the preaching of God’s Word even when I cannot be physically present in the sanctuary.

I have also appreciated those outside the sanctuary who kindly acknowledge my presence, but allow me to continue listening to the sermon instead of starting a conversation with me. Just because a parent may have to leave the service with their child, this does not mean they no longer care about the sermon. Giving parents space to care for their child and listen as much as they are able is a huge blessing.

Smile

You may never know the impact of a well-timed smile. There have been moments when I’ve been about to get up and walk out of the service with my child because she was making a little noise. But a brother in Christ turned and smiled at us. In a wordless exchange, he said, “You are welcome here,” and it meant the world. An added bonus is that my daughter smiled back! She is often most entertained at church by friends around us who are willing to smile at her or play peek-a-boo during the service. Each of these silent, seemingly unimportant gestures have made a difference to us as we seek to worship together as a family.

I never got the name of the woman who encouraged me at the conference. I don’t think I ever got a chance to properly thank her or tell her just how much her kindness meant to me. But I praise God for her, and for many others like her, who let the little children come to Jesus—and not just the little children, but the moms and dads too.

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash