KRISTI MCCOWN | GUEST

My personal struggle is, most of the time, “between my ears,” as Susan Tyner would say. My mind is a battlefield—a place where intrusive thoughts, fears, and sinful desires battle for control. Relationships are at the top of the list of the daily battles that I struggle with. This is why I am grateful for gospel friends.

“Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…” This C.S. Lewis quote from the book The Four Loves came to mind when I listened to the podcast “Risky Obedience” by Karen Hodge and Susan Tyner. Their conversation has been a breath of fresh air for my soul. The vulnerability they share is life-giving to me. One of Karen’s questions in the first episode that struck me was, “Why is it risky? What do we risk when we enter relationships with other people?” Relationships, for me, are equal parts messy and wonderful. Much of the pain throughout my life has come from the way I respond to conflicts with others. I have a strong desire to be liked. My love language is words of encouragement, but the flip side of that is that I fear criticism. I fear what others think of me. So, when someone criticizes me or points out an error, I tend to fall apart. My reaction is to cover, hide, or blame.

I believe the childhood saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” is incorrect because words do hurt. There is another childhood rhythm that says, “I’m rubber, and you’re glue; what bounces off me sticks to you.” Both statements make it sound as though the words people say to us have no effect. But they do. In fact, they often have a lasting impact, leaving scars that last far longer than any schoolyard fight or tumble. Even more, if others hit us with hurtful words, our sinful desire will be to hurt them back. Karen Hodge reminded me so sweetly in this podcast that “we speak out of the overflow of our hearts.” We see this in our cutting and sarcastic jabs, in the ways we place blame on others, or in our defensive responses. Whatever is in our hearts will come out when we have a conflict with another person. I know that all too well.

As I continue to think about how I respond to the messiness of interpersonal relationships, the podcast left me with two encouragements.

God’s Wisdom Grounds Us

I am first grateful that every episode has directed me to God’s Word and the truth of the Gospel. Karen said in the first episode, “Obedience is believing God knows what is best. We align our mind and our heart with God.” This is foundational for our relationships. How do we do this? We do this by reading God’s Word. We need it in front of us, posted in places where we see it. We need to memorize it. We can’t do what we can’t remember. We need to saturate our entire lives with God’s Word. It needs to slip into every crack of day-to-day life. It’s what feeds and shapes our soul and helps us navigate our relationships. As we read the Word, the Holy Spirit is at work in us. He will use it to convict us of sinful responses to others, to equip us with wisdom to navigate relational challenges, and to encourage us to persist even when relationships are hard.

Peacemaking Requires Vulnerability

Secondly, the podcast challenged me to be a peacemaker.

Susan reminded me that being a peacemaker is vulnerable. In the first episode, Susan says, “God created us in community. He made us flourish in this way. The irony is God saying, “I created you to flourish (think about the Beatitudes) by giving up, by letting go, by sacrificing, by risking.”

God gives us friendships that lift us up, and He works through the people He has placed in our path. Sometimes, He uses those people to sanctify us. As we are honest with ourselves and with others about what is truly going on in our hearts, that’s where the real growth begins. But that requires us to be vulnerable with others. To take a risk and invite another person into our life and see the real us. We also need to be honest with God about our hearts as well. Karen and Susan reminded me that we live in the tension of the old self.  Fear, bitterness, jealousy, and greed will creep into my heart, but I am reminded that God gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).

When we recognize our sins and humble ourselves before the Lord, we can taste the sweetness of grace. God knows all our doubts, desires, and fears. He knows the resentments we cling to, the barriers we put up in our relationships, and our longing to be accepted. He sees the secret hidden places in our hearts. He is so patient with His forgetful children and gives us the grace we need to cleanse us of our sin.

In their podcast, Karen and Susan have helped me examine some vulnerable areas of my heart and my relationships with others more deeply, and I am grateful for their honest conversations. It has helped me have conversations with others in my life about relational challenges and how God works through them. It is so encouraging to remember that I am not alone. I have gospel friends who say, “What! You too?”

Photo by Katie Treadway on Unsplash

Kristi McCown

Kristi McCown resides in rural Neshoba County, with her husband, Jay. They have five children and one daughter-in-law; two of their children live at home and are still in high school, while the other three have moved out to start their own lives. Kristi is a member of First Presbyterian Church in Louisville, Mississippi and holds a Biblical Counseling certificate from CCEF. She serves as the Mississippi Valley Presbytery Women’s Ministry Team Coordinator, a role that involves ministering to women in 47 different churches across central Mississippi.
In addition to her church ministry work, Kristi is the co-owner of M&S Furniture, Inc. in Philadelphia, Mississippi. She also serves on the board of directors for the Pregnancy and Family Resource Center in Neshoba County.