KERRY ANDERSON | GUEST

So, it seems once again, just like all previous years, November follows October, and the holiday season is upon us. Let the planning and preparations begin—even though it was 80 degrees the other day where I live. In my current season of life, this preparation looks like coordinating dates and schedules with my married children and the teen still at home to see when we can be together. It also looks like starting the digital gift wish lists, making sure we have enough guest towels, and even revisiting traditions, recipes, and events to make sure they still suit everyone. My excitement grows with the planning, but so do my Hallmark movie-like expectations for every moment from now until New Year’s Day. Can’t you just see us all snuggled up in our matching pajamas?

(Unmet) Expectations

Because the holiday season often revolves around traditions, it’s good and reasonable to have certain expectations for how the days will go. If we’ve always run a Turkey Trot and eaten at 3 p.m. with chocolate pie for dessert, it makes sense our minds and hearts go there. If it’s been 30 years of the same prayer around the same table with Grandma Jane’s famous yeast rolls, of course we crave the delight and comfort in that. The Bible is full of examples of celebrations and feasts and remembrances that look the same each year (Lev. 23:33ff; Neh. 8:13ff; Job 1:4-5) so God’s people are stirred to fellowship, remember, and give thanks. This is good.

However, life and the scriptures have also taught us that though we chart a course, the Lord is the one who determines our steps (Prov. 16:9). Work schedules change, people get sick, adult children make other holiday plans, the oven breaks, or you discover after 20 years, no one really likes the Christmas Eve Crab Bisque (true story). So, despite how we feel about this, we must pivot. We adapt. We readjust. It isn’t always easy to go from what our minds thought it would or should be like to what God has in mind instead. Unmet expectations (even ones we didn’t realize we created!) can be crushing and draining. “This isn’t how I wanted things to be,” becomes a subtle mantra in our minds. “Lord, these are good things I desire. Why not allow them?” we pray in our hearts.

The Antidote: Gratitude

When things don’t turn out as we hoped, disappointment creeps in, leading to discontentment. We tend to focus on what we lack or what didn’t happen, causing our gratitude to God to dwindle. We neglect the commands in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” That cornucopia centerpiece on the Thanksgiving table just doesn’t look or feel so abundant anymore. What can we do with those unmet expectations? How do we stir our hearts to obedience and offer Thanksgiving in everything (did it really say everything?)?

Paul wrote a letter to the church family in Colossae and another to the church family in Ephesus. In both, after he talked about a deep and practical unity that shows up in worship (Col. 3:16; Eph. 5:19), he added a command about gratitude to the Ephesians: “Giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,” (5:20). And “whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him,” he wrote to the Colossians (3:17). In both cases, Paul goes big. He doesn’t allow for a narrow gratitude limited to perfect fall days where everyone meets our expectations and is perfectly happy with everything we do. Neither are essential in order for us to give thanks to the Lord. Paul simply says, give thanks to God in every moment and single circumstance and for everything. Give thanks in the first holiday season without a loved one? Yes. Give thanks when your grandchildren get sick and can’t come? Yes. Give thanks before the difficult relative arrives, the weather is not cooperating, and no one wants to decorate gingerbread houses? Yes, yes, and yes. Paul is telling us gratitude goes along with being filled with the Spirit of Christ (Eph. 5:18; Col 3:16). Giving thanks is what you do in life, continually and presently, when you’re a Christian.

But this continual offering of gratitude isn’t just about a quick check that gets us through the ruined dinner and contentious table discussion. There’s more. This gratitude hails from the eternal source of the Spirit of Christ dwelling in us. The reality of scheduling conflicts, real disappointments, restlessness, limited resources, prodigal children, and every other bit of bitterness that creeps in (however small) reminds us…helpfully…there is something better waiting. Our expectations for all these good things aren’t pinned to this world but the next. A future better world promises an unhurried present, perfect fellowship, and faultless meals where every expectation is met and we are finally and fully satisfied in Christ. For that we can be thankful.

So instead of starting this season with the calendar coordination, lists, and growing expectations, it seems Paul’s direction of rejoicing, praying, and giving thanks in all things is the best holiday planning method for cultivating gratitude. November 1 may be the day my brain shifts to thinking about my Thanksgiving menu, but the Bible tells me that giving thanks to the Lord is to be an every-day action. Hearts that are ever thankful, no matter what the season looks like, can rest in Christ when expectations aren’t met. I’ve always loved that the holiday for giving thanks precedes the holiday for gift-giving. We can be thankful to the Lord for the many blessings in our lives, before more blessings are bestowed. Instead of saving the thank-you’s for after the meals and the opened gifts, we can start with offering our gratitude to God for the gift of His Son and the perfect fellowship we’ll experience in Heaven one day. Every day of the holiday season is far better designed by God than whatever my mind can imagine. As Psalm 84:11 reminds us, “No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash