LAURA PATTERSON | GUEST

I sat in her lap with tears in my eyes. I was four and she was in her 50s.

I had mixed the play rice into the Play-Doh and Mrs. Cummings gently corrected me for my likely innocent but possibly mischievous mixture. As an anxious child, striving to earn affection through a good performance, this left an imprint. What was probably a mundane moment for Mrs. Cummings was a monumental one for me.

I wouldn’t have put words to it at the time, but I was implicitly learning the value of gospel community through this relational experience. She clearly explained that the rice and Play-Doh were not meant to be mixed, and I understood the error in my “curiosity”. But redemption followed as she scooped me up and held me in my tears. Her love for me was undiminished.

The Lie from Mount Crumpit

Mrs. Cummings embodied the gospel which is transferred from one generation to the next within the covenant community. And yet participation in that same community does not promise the consistent, habitual expression of redemptive love I experienced at age four. Rather, because of the fall, we often experience hurt and conflict. Relationships are messy. Personalities clash. Pride persists. Sin spreads. We are prone to petty and profound hurts that, without God’s grace, steer us to believe a dangerous lie:

I can give my heart to Jesus while withholding it from His people.

This is like the lie that fenced the small heart of The Grinch in Dr. Seuss’ classic tale. Dwelling in community was repulsive; he was above that.  He believed he was made for more than sentimental singing and happy handholding! Yet isolating himself did not bring healing to his soul—it led to bitterness and contempt that fueled his resourceful plan to tear down Whoville.

Last December, as I watched The Grinch with my children, I related to the grumpy green soul in a way I never had before. I had learned afresh the pain of church hurt. And much like the Grinch, it felt safer to withdraw behind fences. Every fiber in my being wanted to hide and believe the lie that Christian community is not worth it. That it is not something I am made for. That it is not God’s design for His people.

A Fenced Heart Set Free

God in His grace did not let me keep this fence up, believing the lie that I’m better off alone. He drew me out of the cold crevices of my own Mount Crumpit and led both Mrs. Cummings and me back to that building in which I’d sat in her lap as a four-year-old. Only this time, I was the teacher. And as she entered my classroom in January, she hugged me and with joy in her eyes said, “Laura, you were in my 4s class, and now I’m in your class!”

It was a watershed moment for me, impressing on my heart that I am a debtor to covenant relationships! Yes, these relationships happen in the ups and downs of community living. But the covenant community is inherently good; it is God’s plan for His chosen, beloved people (1 Pet. 2:9-10). If Mrs. Cummings hadn’t availed her heart and exercised her faith within the covenant community three decades ago, I would have missed out on an early gospel message. Decades later, I must do the same. This is the covenant way.

Attempts at following Jesus alone are not only detrimental to the soul in hiding; the whole church is harmed! The covenant community is robbed when any of its members withholds not only her presence and gifts, but her heart. Yes, employ wisdom and discernment in relationships, but don’t build an impenetrable privacy fence. Keep combating the lie that isolation is a shield of protection.  Be diligent to hammer down your own heart’s fenceposts with the truth:

You are made for more than a fenced heart. You are made for God and His people.

Wounds within the body of Christ hurt in a uniquely painful way, but you never know how God is building His church or expanding His kingdom through our (often messy) relationships. And just like the Grinch’s heart grew when he heard the Whos singing, the Holy Spirit just might use a relationship rupture in the church to expand your heart with love for His covenant community. After all, He is “able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” (Eph. 3:20).

Photo by Joshua Olsen on Unsplash